My Life With My Wife, A Mans Perspective.

As I have previously stated in another post, I am a bisexual male that has retired from interacting with other men. My wife whom is bisexual has been dormant for eight years. We have two children together and live a wonderful life together. I won't elaborate on how we got to the situation we are today since I already posted that, but I thought I would post on the struggles I am enduring so other men could find a point to relate too for the man, and women could see what us men go through. My wife, whom is one hell of a wonderful woman, is about to engage in her first woman to woman contact during our five years together tomorrow night. We have been very open about this and I have informed her that she has my full support in finding exactly what it is she needs filled in her life. As a man, the only thing I want is for her happiness to be full, I also want to protect her from any harm. The struggles that I'm having is not being able to protect her from disappointment, or not being able to protect her heart from the excitement and rush of emotions this other woman will bring her. All good things that fill a temporary void come to an end, and while we always want them to end amicably they don't always. Needless to say, I'm also dealing with the struggle of letting my wife go. This is the person I have shared the last five years with exclusively. It is hard letting go of that number one position in all areas of her life. I know I have every single part of her heart, mind, body, and soul...but I also know that I will have to share my wife with someone else. It is hard to except this when five years ago we both thought we would be the only ones for each other for the rest of our lives. We have agreed on an open relationship, but right now would not be a good time for me to act on that freedom because as much as it sucks to say, it would be in retaliation to deal with the pain/struggle of letting our exclusiveness go. One day I will be able to find someone who I also enjoy spending time with, but for now, that only person is my wife. She is my best friend, so this is hard for me. But I love her to death and I wouldn't change a damn thing. Gentlemen, please take the time to think this through thoroughly. If you are not ready to do this, tell your wife that and let her know its not forever but just right now. And if it is forever, stand your ground and be raw in your communication. However, with that being said, be sensitive and ready to pick up the pieces of her heart that you destroyed. It takes a lot of courage for a woman to come forth when she could easily just do it behind your back. Remember, her admittance is not only a challenge for her, but a deep sign of respect and love. This will not be easy on either of you, she loves you to death and seeing you in pain (in a healthy relationship) will take a serious toll on her; but by you being supportive and honest too, the bond will become stronger. Now, with that being said; ladies, do not take advantage of a good man. There are several of us out there that respect and cherish you in all lights. We are very protective and possessive of you because it is how we've been raised to be. You own our hearts and we own your innocence, I'm tired of seeing selfish women just saying do it and don't tell him. If you can't handle a man who is a real man, you don't deserve him. When a man is that honest and loving and you choose to be that sneaky and dirty, then honestly love, you don't deserve the commitment he gives. Be a real woman and set yourself free, ask for the divorce and move on. Betrayal stings, I'm glad our relationship is strong enough not to have to worry about that. Eh, some will agree and some will disagree with my statements, but I am a man with strong feelings and I always say, don't take advantage of the light we see you ladies our best friends.
JadenChris JadenChris
3 Responses Mar 20, 2012

I've only just joined these postings and cannot believe that more people have not responded to your horrific experience. I read your first post and was moved, and felt that the situation with my husband mirrored yours (minus the upcoming date) and so admired everything you said. <br />
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, and you didn't deserve the emotions that came with the situation. But your fr<x>ame of mind was so spot on.

Suppose I should just say I'm just hurt and lost. I love my wife dearly, and she me. Just in a really confusing place right now. We both are, keep you guys posted.

Sh*t backfired. Wife is now in a place where she wants to be with me, but, she doesn't want any intimacy. She now cringes at any type of affection I try to give her and I'm not attempting to have sex with her. Through this experience my wife learned that she was a lesbian and not bisexual. Apparently, she learned this the night she met the woman who brought her feelings full force. As a man, I do understand, there are certain things about women we will never understand. However, as a human, there are things that just don't make sense. Never thought the woman of my dreams could and would be so cold to the person who has always had her best interest in mind. I don't want pity, I've already realized where this is possibly going. Hate getting caught up in the only if's, but damn, it's hard not to lol. I want her to be happy, but I don't think I can go around my own house feeling disrespected and unwanted. It went from her admitting sex with me made her feel gross, to cringing when I touch her, to now not even being able to have a conversation with me without walking away or checking her phone or kindle. Hmmm, nice guys becomes ******** because of this. I'm sure I have some blame in this, but, ladies...this is where negative feelings are generated; when we love someone and cherish them so much, and regardless of what we do, we get that cold shoulder. Here is to another woman in my life easily writing off my feelings. And, let me say, I'm still logical about this. I'm aware of the feelings and emotions and questions she must be having, does not excuse treating me in such ways.