He Said Go For It, Now What....?

It feels like I admitted to myself at a very young age that I am bisexual. Have been with my husband since I was 15 years old. My one and only, my best friend. About 3 years ago, I let him know about my sexuality. I have told him more times than I can count I'm not looking to leave. But I cannot imagine being without a woman for the rest of my life.

Two years ago, I met a woman that flipped my world upside down. She has become an amazing friend in so many ways. We both are attracted to each other very much. We've kissed a few times, nothing further. She has said she'll "wait" till he's okay with it. But that's not fair for her.

My husband has met her a few times and doesn't like the idea of me being with someone without him. She is married, so that's not going to happen. I just want it to be us anyways.

Many fights, many nights with tears, many talks. It seems we get no where. This feeling isn't going away, yet getting worse. Tonight the topic was brought up again and he said "Fine, just go do what you want to do..." Very sarcastic. But in my selfish ways, I want to take him up on that offer... He tells me not many women out there feel this way. And for that I feel even more lost and confused. Please, any advice. I feel so torn. I do not want to hurt my husband, but I am not being what I think to be my authentic self.
Bihousewife Bihousewife
26-30, F
5 Responses Dec 4, 2012

That story works both ways !! I told my first wife that I thought I was Bi and she would have sex with me for months and we ended up divorcing partly over that I have never been with another guy but have met a few I would have loved to try it with !!

I know exactly what you mean. My husband was all support until he realised that what I want is not group sex, but intimate and emotional relationships with women that DON'T INCLUDE HIM. He said it was ok, but the truth is that if I were to go ahead and do it he would leave immediately and be the poor cuckholded husband in everybody's eyes. Why do they have to 'own' us?

I had a bi sub for a while. She gave up being with another woman to marry her husband. It wasn't long before she started harboring resentment toward her husband and children. Things can work out but not without lots of communication and love. While you can live two separate lives, it cheats everyone in some fashion. If all of you can become friends and incorporate your relationships into a single family unit, you will be much more content.

I think you should find another women to try it with ...with your husband.

Bihousewife while I may not have any advice I hope you can find some solace in knowing you aren't alone. Our situations are very similar. My husband knew of my attraction to woman before I even fully embraced it so coming out to him wasn't too hard. The first time I wanted to be with a woman for the first time I asked him first. He said ok but I don't think he actually thought I'd go through with it. When he found out I did he was a little upset that he wasn't there and wanted to know everything. Talk about an awkward conversation lol. After that I think he just assumed if I wanted to be with another woman it would involve him. I'm just not comfortable with that. Call me selfish but I don't want to share my husband and if I'm going to be with a chick I want her all to myself. I'm not looking to leave my husband either. I know how hard it is to live your life feeling like you're not being your complete self in order to keep the peace. It's something I think about every day. I was seeing this girl several months back. she wanted more than I could give her and quite honestly more than I wanted to give her. My husband didn't like how serious things were getting. I broke it off. she was upset but I knew it was for the best. I became really good friends with this girl I work with. She is in a committed relationship with her partner, yet somehow things turned into a friends with benefits kinda thing. We've only kissed but if the opportunity presents itself I know things will go further. It's always gonna be friends with benefits for us but I'm ok with that. My husband's asked me if anything has happened and I said no. We've only kissed and I don't want him to be upset. I hate keeping it from him but I don't plan on leaving him for her so I don't see a reason to tell him if it will only upset him. What scares me is that I know I can be happy spending my life with a man or a woman....

Thank you so much for posting your story. It makes me feel so much better, knowing I’m not alone. As soon as I’ve kissed this woman, I have gone home and told him right away. Thinking that would help the situation, but it just ****** him off. I cannot see my life without her. Or my husband. And I completely agree, I can see living my life with a man or a woman. I am not looking for this relationship to go past friendship and sex. So do I not want to upset my husband. But I feel as though I’m living a lie.

I guess it's true what they say you can't "have your cake and eat it too" . For some people it works but for a lot of people the idea of polyamory (for lack of a better word) just doesn't work. It's hard to keep yourself happy and keep everyone else happy too.

If your husband said no, never, not gonna happen. And you have the feeling you have, what would you do?

In all honesty...I would try my hardest to resist the temptation and if I couldn't resist the temptation I would just keep it a secret, as horrible as that sounds.

I don't want to hurt him, but I'm 27. Living my whole life and not knowing anything else scares me.. I know that was my choice to get married young, i just feel as though I've missed out on certain situations..

I'm 26...I know exactly what you mean. how do you think your husband would react if you did take him up on his offer? (even if you think he meant it sarcastically)

I think he'd be upset and hurt.. But how are we to fix this if I don't do something? Oh gosh that sounds so selfish. lol But seriously, forever scares me..

I wish I had an answer...sighs...I think about that often...Forever...it is scary. Times I try to envision what it would be like to be with a woman, in the relationship sense. And then I wake up realizing that may never happen. I just try and take things day by day, breath by breath. Whatever happens happens and I believe everything happens for a reason. It doesn't make things any easier but I try and have strong faith and trust that things will work out in the end.

Thank you so much for your advice! It really does make me feel not so alone. Everything you've said, its like you take the words right out of my mouth.

I hope things work out and I wish you the absolute best! I'm always here if you ever want to talk =)

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