Just Found Out That My Wife Has Feelings For Another Woman

My story is this, I am a husband who has been married to my wife for 6 years and been together for 8 years and have had problems in our relationship. When I got int this relationship 8 years ago, she told me she had relationships with women from the age of 17 till about 27 or 28 from what she told me. She told me it was because of her appearance that she thought men were not interested in her. She told me when she was with women back then that she had cheated on them with men. Now that confuses me to all end. After she found out men were interested in her, she stood away from that lifestyle for about 10 years. Our marriage has not been the greatest because we do not communicate very well with each other. We do love each other alot and care for each other deeply. Another thing in our marriage is that my wife found out in February that she had uterine cancer and that a hysterectomy was needed. We were trying to have children but it all failed. She had the hysterectomy April 2008. Now I have noticed a complete change in her outlook on life. Yes she got a 2nd chance on life but now I feel I will not be part of it. This lady is 54 yrs old and my wife is 37 yrs old and has worked in this place for many many years and even though my wife works in the same hospital as her, they work different hours. My wife said the feelings she is having has nothing to do with sexual feelings but just emotional feelings that she has to explore for herself. Now did the hysterectomy really play a part in this or something else trigerred it. She tells me she dont want to leave right now but in the future she is not sure what the future holds. How do I handle this? I have never been in this situation ever in my lifetime. My wife did tell me she is going to talk to a counselor to see how she can cope with this. And I am going to a counselor as well starting tomorrow. I do want to stay in this relationship and want a future together. It is very hard to deal with is when your wife holds your life in her hands. How do I cope with this? What do I need to deal with this situation?

tfd0307 tfd0307
5 Responses Nov 3, 2008

I have been exactly there!!!!! You just have to forget about her as your wife and enjoy the friendship you share. Soon she will start to tell the little lies and pick up fights so just stay out of her way. She will come to you if she is menat to be....it could also be that she is just selfish and taking your marriage for granted, either way, just let her be coz you wont fix her at the therapist.

Talk with her and try to get her to understand that you want her to be happy; if this is a direction that she needs to take, support her need. Tell her that honesty is the most important thing for you and that you want to take this journey with her, not be shut out of it for lack of trust. That doesn't mean you want to be part of her relationship with the other woman, whether it be sexual or not, but rather that you want her to remember she is married to you and that your relationship matters so her friendships don't start replacing your relationship. If she needs a sexual partner, she needs one. Being a woman is one thing we men have not gotten down now matter how hard some try. There are some things we simply cannot do for our wives, yet they may still have that need. How is it to be met? With grace and the right woman, I think..

Wow my friend, may I offer you a hug. First of all, you and your wife have not communicated as you stated. Time to get it in gear and talk about each part of you guys and how each see it has been going wrong. Communication will provide the chance to see solutions and keep you focused on working on the goals of keeping it together. <br />
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In these situation, us guys turn into John Wayne, which has us not talking or expressing how we feel or providing in this case, your wife with a standard of you expecting her to think of you, think of your marriage and to become your partner to gain input from both sides to solving this situation. She has told you that she has emotional feelings she has to explore for herself. In marriage, exploring and working through out what life puts infront of your guys is a team sport. She has is doing something that is creating something of a wall between you guys and you feel a lose to being that wall down. <br />
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She has to come back to yo guys being a team and working together no matter what it is. If she needs to emotionally enjoy another women, why would she not want to enjoy that with you? You need to be understanding but you need to see yourself as the tender warrior that is condfident in your love for her and what you have, but the tender side of you needs you wife to think of you and how her desire should be growing your desire and love for each other by sharing each other desires and not allowing anything or anyone to be the vehicle that prevents you guys from working as a team when you face anything that life will send your way. Remember, you are a human being, women want us to be sensitive but strong and have the ability to listen and express what we feel, well brother, opportunity is knocking and you guys may just grow together. May love be with you and that confident strong tender warrior show his wife that emotion she craves is to be close to you, grabbed and got to have her right now and mostly, shall you hold her hand while you listen to her share, yes just share those thougths, feelings and desires. Then lead her to understand the direction I have provided you to take her back to you while letting her grow to communicate with you those needs she never has made you aware to meet that emotional desire this lady seems to have been informed about.

I am sorry you find yourself in such a rough spot. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but the bottom line is that each relationship is different and that only you can know what it is you need to do. I suggest you seek out the help of a therapist to explore your feelings and arrive at your own conclusion.<br />
I wish you the best in your situation; hope you find happiness w/ our w/out your wife.

Your place sounds like hard place to be - there maybe is some things what i would do, but i am not sore this would help your situation. <br />
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It's more then clear that you fife needs also woman in her life, it also seems to be clear that she has still feelings for you because you have been living so long together. <br />
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If i would be you i would first talk over whit wife what she wants - be open minded and make her understand, that you will be whit her no matter what ( only if you really think that way, right? ) . Find out if she wants to have sexual relationship whit other wife (probably yes) then it's your decision to accept it or not (i would). Then i would arrange small dinner whit your wife & your wife new friend... and would talk all over how this relationship will work.. But in this relation triangle 2 of you need to trust AND talk whit each other more. No point to deny her meeting whit other woman's because it seems to be some part of her life and its not just because she thinks guys do not like her. I think she will be unhappy if she can choose only one of you.<br />
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The real explanation what and why i would do will take to much typing and i am not so good at English. But this is not professional help so better wait some better comments before you doing something :)