Am I Just Selfish?

As for my "back story" ....I have been happily married for 10 years to my high school sweetheart. We have a beautiful daughter and live in small town USA.  As far as I ever knew I was perfectly straight although I recently entered a relationship with my bestfriends lesbian sister and things with her are going great. My husband knows and is fine with it stating that he understands my feelings and wants me to be happy in every way.  In fact...she, him and I are the only ones that know. I am in no way ever going to leave my husband but can't help the fact that im falling in love with her as well.  I fear greatly that this will get out and that would devastate me, this town is small and comprised mostly of his family, our friends and our daughters friends as well.  Am I just being selfish or is this natural, I could not have found a less suitable candidate for a lesbian affair but the feelings are there.

lancey lancey
26-30
4 Responses Mar 19, 2009

selfish dyke your gonna destroy every
thing!!!

Although I can't totally relate, I'd like to think I understand. My husband has always said he's ok with me having a relationship with a woman because he knows I would never leave him etc. Same story as you. I've met women, had crushes, fooled around but have been to afraid to actually date one so far (despite my husband's reassurances that I can) because 1) I am afriad that I would fall in love and then hurt her because I won't leave my husband 2) I would fall in love with her and leave my husband despite my very words that I would never 3) What my son would think (although he is only a year old at the moment, but one day!) and finally 4) I can't even begin to imagine what my husband's family would think. I love my in-laws very much but I know they would NEVER approve of this.<br />
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So. Yes. You are selfish. So am I. Doesn't make us bad people and in fact I'm sure you, like myself, deserve to be selfish occasionally because I know other than my indulgence in women I have nothing else that is not dedicated to looking after my two boys! As far as your daughter finding out goes. I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as she hears from you and you AND your husband both explain it to her. So she knows it's not you going behind daddy's back so to speak. My parents has an open relationship when I was growing up and we always had new "aunties" coming around and it never upset me and made me a lot more open minded now I'm older. So on the flip side of the other two comments, this doesn't mean you are NOT putting your child first at all! There are all kind of relationships in the world and it is best if your daughter understands them all and NOT just the conventional marriage, especially if she is part of a family that is a little less conventional. It NEVER effected me when I was a child and I never held it against my parents as I got older. <br />
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Sorry that rambled on :) Just thought I'd throw a bit of support.

while I appreciate any interest I must respectfully add that my goal by posting my story was purely to find someone that could relate or has been in the same position. I understand that what I am doing my be viewed as wrong but at the same time i feel as though nobody has the right to question me on the vows I took. Thank you to all that have commented, I have read and heeded every word.

Without sounding self-righteous, I sort of agree with the above poster. When you have children involved and there is great risk of them hearing things through the rumor mill, I believe the children should come first. My husband used to let me carry on with girls too, but when my kids started walking and talking and becoming more aware of what was going on, I knew I had to stop it. Not only will that confuse your kids about what a marriage is supposed to look like, but they would be devistated if they heard "crap-talking" at school before they heard it from you. Good luck.....