Hang My Head

I close the door and turn the sign. Lock the door and sit in my chair and hang my head. It's not been a good day. Hell, the week was worse. I put my head in my hands and just start crying. Loud, hard and uncontrolled. No one is here to see me, no one to care. It's okay. I wouldn't be crying like this if they were. There is so much I want to say, but I can't find the words. No one can hear them anyway.

I'm so confused these days. I really don't know what to do with myself. I guess I could write a confession anonymously, but everyone who knows me would know it was me.....I'm afraid of what they might say. No, I'm not. I'm afraid just to say......everything on my mind. There's too much and not enough time. It's a long story.

theredlady theredlady
41-45, F
11 Responses Nov 6, 2009

Thank you LV. I just have so much on my mind and I'm not perfect by any means, but I have things that I've never told anyone. Only one person knew everything and now he's gone.

My dearest lady, you are so hard on yourself. People love you because of you, what ever you do, you will be loved.<br />
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Let go of all the strains you put on yourself, vulnerability is not a crime, it's human

i am sorry your going through a rough time. i am sending you a hug.

I know, this is a rough one but I'll get through. I always do......

Thanks Fy. I was trying to do that. I was right too. I was long winded. Then my computer crashed and it was gone. I guess I'll have to try again. Maybe my thoughts will be better organized this time. *sigh*

I'm not going anywhere :)

Okay, I'll try, but don't be surprised if I am long winded. It may be a few before I do. The hungry heathens call to me. They want nourishment.

Honey share your burned with us. You might not feel like you're enough to handle it but together we'll try and help you. *hugs*

Just when I think I'm past it.....but other things come along and complicate everything and it becomes a massive blockade waiting to explode in my face. Too much for one....but there isn't two. A new take on his favorite phrase.

Grieving comes around in cycles and takes a long time. . . Tears let the pain flow, move. . . .right now I'm happy but if I never cried I think I would be hard and mean and pain would always be there, unmelted.

*sits next to mom and hugs her* It's alright honey. You don't have to say a word, just know that if you need me i'm here ok? i love you and hate to see you hurting.