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I'm Black. My White Boyfriend Is More Attracted To White Women.

My boyfriend and I have a pretty normal relationship.

We love eachother, and live together, going on 3 years now. The only problem I seem to encounter is that sometimes I feel like I'm not attractive enough to him. Once and while, when I use his computer I find ***********. This is pretty run of the mill, and doesn't bother me. What does bother me is the fact that all the *********** he looks at is of a specific type of women. White, with long hair, and tattos, the exact OPPOSITE of me. When I've asked him in the past, he says that he does not have a preferance, although I am his first black girlfriend. It's getting harder and harder for me to feel beautiful around him! I will never have blue eyes, blonde hair, or be tiny! I try not to let my self-consciousness get in the way of our relationship, but somedays it really affects me. I've always loved white men, and to me, my boyfriend is everything that I've ever wanted physically. How can an african-american woman cope with the stress of feeling less attractive than our opposites? All of the men I have dated in the past exclusively dated black women, so I'm just not sure how to react with this.I know that I am not the only woman who feels this way, as I have read many articles about it. Is there anyone out there going through a similar situation, or one that can offer any advice?
PrettyGirlBlues PrettyGirlBlues 22-25, F 18 Responses Jun 23, 2011

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I feel the exact same way . I am black and my boyfriend is white as well . When we first started dating he actually said he typically goes for brunettes w proportional "T&A" . But thought I was beautiful . I try to remind myself of that to get me through those really insecure days ... But it's so hard !! ESP since the **** he watches and girls he typically checks out are beautiful brunette girls w amazing bodies

I am reading and responding to this much later than it was posted. But it hit home...in a way. Race isnt an issue. Im black and yes my bf is white. I have a thing for older white men amd I am very physically attracted to him. I know hes attracted to me but his type is the very petite very tiny red head with freckles...red hair specifically but generally petite nonetheless. And im not that. I have curves although im workong on losing weight for my own benefit, but I am still not much shorter than him. And I dont have freckles. It makes me extremely self co scious at times...but other times I tell myself he must be attracted to me because he is with me and everyone I his life knows who I am. And honestly, once you find a good guy, he will make you feel more comfortable and not second guess yourself.

Interracial relationships r hard and people may think it is as any other relationship but I think they are naive...having said that he might have loved ur body and looks but wasnt comfortable showing it....regardless u just gotta do u babe and be proud of who u r and what u look like and ull find someone who appreciates u

I just think your silly and insecure!! you carry on like being blonde with blue eyes is so BEAUTIFUL!! And being BLACK is not you need to go sit down somwhere and read some black history!!
Your just a lost soul!! but never mind may be you could find your way back if you knew the way!!
Peace out!

There are very few black women in ****. I don't think he preferred those girls, they were just all he had available. Out of 100 vids to choose from, there may be one you like, and you expect him to try to make sure she's black?

I hope this wasn't the only reason you broke up with him.

but your gorgeous why would you feel insecure you look better than most girls i see of any race

In response...<br />
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The relationship was much too stressful, and in the end, I decided to break it off. About four months ago now. I just decided that I wasn't happy within the relationship. Yes, some of the reason it ended was the fact that he was literally not telling me anything about how he felt about me physically... Everyone is different. We all prefer different things in our spouses. I can honestly say, that above any race I have been MOST attracted to caucasian males. It was very easy for me to be in a relationship with him because I liked the way that he looked. Complimenting him was something I did often, although never received anything on his end. <br />
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Also, Anchorage is one of the most multicultural places I have lived. It is extremely common here for people to date outside their race, although I will say that it is a rarity to see a black woman with a white male. <br />
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I believe all in all, he must have liked SOMETHING about me physically. I don't believe any man would endure a relationship with a woman he didn't like anything about physically. I think that he prefers white women, because those women are the ones he receives the most attention from. After some thought, it is my observation that he had a very low self esteem, and was prone to reaching out to the types of women whom he felt were more likely to reciprocate.<br />
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Thanks everyone for your responses! It was excellent to get your feedback.

What bothers me the most about the comments on your story--is that alot of the commentators are stating preferences about the color of the skin of their desired partners. What should matter is the person--not their skin color. Anyone who says that they prefer white or black or asian or latino--while entitled to their opinion and desire are being short sighted in the end and that is how racism continues to proliferate. Get over the color issue , people, please.<br />
Now, you live in Anchorage Alaska--what kind of black population is up there? Is it common to see interracial couples? Probably not? So you are exceptional. Have you confronted him about his online obsession with aryan chicks ? Girl, you are quite beautiful--he may in his way, be excluding this type of woman for fantasy only--one of the most popular genres of straight male **** is shemale ****( chicks with dicks) and most of those men would not have long term relationships with shemales. <br />
Don't let this affect your self image--you had the courage to engage in an interracial relationship--have the courage to confront him about this and the communication as well as the result will set you free, one way or the other. Never compete with anyone but yourself--that is how you grow as a person. You are beautiful, thoughtful and intelligent- get used to being who you really are and some other man will make you happy if your BF doesn't .

girl come to me a real white guy who will love you <br />
im on facebook carl fischer<br />
id worship you like a ebony princess

No matter how you feel - please always keep your head up. This is not an easy topic with any easy suggestions, but you will remain beautiful for a long time to come if you save a little positivity, love, and courage for yourself. You will find your way through this little superficial issue. But I will wish you best wishes anyway.

Well i think he is with you maybe for a show off girl or to make him self feel like he isent racist or something idk really just some guesses there but i know i like black women over white women

Well, I say find another one who loves and is attracted to you.

I know how you feel girl. I had one white guy i dated tell me black girls usually were not his type but that I was the exception. Try not to let it bother you, if he really loves you and you love him then push the thought of his preference aside as much as you can. However, it starts to bother you way too much to the point you feel so inadequate and you still feel insecure about it then its best to move on because you shouldn't have to feel that way. You are gorgeous, do not feel anything less than that. Good luck, I hope things work out for the best.

I actually am experiencing the same thing with my boyfriend. Mine actually cheated on me with a white women so it makes me feel as though i have to try to out do everyone else and i can't anymore.

I know what you're talking about! The white guys that I liked or who've liked me "had never liked a black girl before" or prefered "whites and asians". I know this sounds tough but don't let this "racial competition" tear you two apart! Hopefully he sees you "for you" and prefers you over his fantasies.

Even though I am single, this is a fear of mine...

1. Does he know you feel this way?<br />
2. Why was he with you in the first place? <br />
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Goodluck with the future :)

Why make a big deal out of it? He's with you and not some tiny, , tattooed, blond haired, blue-eyes white woman. You found the pictures by sifting through his ****. But, has he made any comments or has any of his actions towards you that would make you feel unattractive? If not, don't let your self-consciousness mess up your relationship. Good luck.