As you know?

As you know I became a Christian in 2003. It was not an easy process since I had always hated Christianity and thought it was the religion of idiots (God has a sense of humour, doesn't he?). I never wanted to be a Christian, and the moment I became a Christian was not the joy-filled event that was promised. It was full of gut wrenching fear because I thought my family was going to reject me. Once I became a Christian, I thought that God would abandon me and focus on evangelising other people or something. It felt like I was literally forced by God to become a Christian against my human will. Every day, I fail God. I fail God miserably and shamefully. If God didn't exist, I wouldn't need to think about this. If I could truly believe that God didn't care about what I did, as long as I lived a "good" life, life would be easier. I wouldn't spend most of my God-thinking-time being so damn uncomfortable.

I believe in God, and I believe that Jesus Christ died and came back from the dead. I don't know where he is exactly now - at God's right side, but still "alive". I read that God loved the world so much that God sent his son Jesus to take my place. He took my place so that when I face God at the end of my life to explain to him all of the things that I've done, God will not judge me based on my life but on Jesus'.

I know this.

LostTraveller LostTraveller
26-30, F
10 Responses Jun 5, 2007

I think that having had poor/bad/abusive relationships with men, and especially if it was with your father, gives us a erroneous view of God, since He is depicted as Father. A female friend of mine who is a Christian and who was horribly abused by her father struggled with that a lot. I was largely rejected by my father, who I was afraid of while growing up. Even though he is now dead, I still struggle to not see (or remember) him as being ashamed of me. I can see how this clouds my view of God. I've finally accepted that God is the perfect Father and that He loves me no matter what. Jesus paid the price for all my sins, mistakes and faults - past, present AND future. Accepting that has freed me from this cycle of seeing God as distant and angry with me for not being perfect, which of course I never will be in this life. I hope this helps...

So why do you believe in God? What happened in your life to make you think that the God of the Bible exists?

I can relate to your story. Thanks for sharing.<br />
I just read:<br />
Ephesians 4:1-8<br />
perhaps it will give you courage, too.

C.S.Lewis says of his return to the Church from atheism; something to the effect of being dragged back through the gate desperately wishing not to be interfered with and looking for every possible way of escaping the Grace of God. He compared himself to The Prodigal Son--except that he had no desire to return home to his father and he summed the experience-up with a remarkable statement that I ended-up memorizing:<br />
"The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men and His compulsion is our liberation". <br />
<br />
It sounds something like your story.

Agree that quote's beautiful clarifies.<br />
My heart hurts when I hear of someone who always sees themselves as never good enough for God . I struggled with that for years.<br />
<br />
Truth is NO ONE is nor ever will be. Except of course Jesus. <br />
AND WE ARE IN HIM !!!! <br />
<br />
I hope you find His joy!

aw, I'm sorry becoming a christian was stressful for you. But you should know God is always with you. Even before you became a born again christian he was with you. And yes, this religion does tend to be filled with idiots. People who will pound it into your head that you have to prove your worth to God, but its not true. Its impossible to fail God. You could never fail him. Just love him and follow him. He will never be ashamed of you, and has never been ashamed of you. You are perfect to him.

Beautiful quote glorygirl.

Not my own quote, but one worth repeating.<br />
"When I knew nothing of God, I was indifferent to Him' when I knew a little of God, I mistrusted Him & complained of Him; when I knew much of God, I trusted and loved Him".<br />
<br />
I can come to God as my real and honest self; not pretending to virtue & wholeness, which is not mine, but "just as I am". 2 Cor "for God took the sinless Christ and poured into Him our sins. Then, in exchange, he poured God's goodness into us"<br />
I celebrate with you.

Well, Lost Traveller, I know what you are talking about. I am so glad you testified.

As we know? No, I didn't actually, but I suppose congratulations are in order? I really never know how to respond to these..............