Dancing With the Holy Spirit

When I was one my mother died.  I never knew her.  I firmly believe that her death was necessary for my father to remarry and introduce me into the family that would act as my spiritual anchor.  My new grandparents were born again and members of the Assembly of God Church and that is where I was introduced to, and touched, by the Holy Spirit.  I was saved around the age of eleven.  Unfortunately, I did not have a firm grasp of what being saved truly meant but the feeling of being washed in the Spirit was undeniable.

I spent my teenage years in church youth group and on church trips.  When I was 17, several of the members in my youth group and myself formed a band and we were among the first contemporary Christian groups to tour the churches in our area.  I really did not know what a gift what I was doing was.  I sang the songs but I did not embrace the music or understand that I was a worship leader not a performer.  It is because of that lack of understanding that our group did not go on to perform outside of a few churches.  Had we been into the music for the benefit of worshiping God and leading others to Christ, I know we could have been one of the bedrock Christian groups of the 80's.  Oh well, I digress.

I experienced a lot of abuse in my youth starting at age 6.  I was sexually abused by a number of men and boys by the time I was 18, and as a result, I was a mess.  I tried to commit suicide my senior year and all of my youth group activity had ceased.  I graduated high school and went on to college only for things to be even worse.  I left school and got an apartment and a job.  For awhile that was enough for me.  Then I met my future husband.  He was wonderful.  A preacher's kid and, like me, he was drug free and a little naive.  We worked together and started spending a great deal of time together.  He was eventually fired and my dumb and in love self quit to follow him.  Before long our money ran out and you truly cannot survive on love.  We had been eating eggs for two weeks and the eggs had run out.

I knew that I could get a job right away as a waitress in a topless bar around the corner.  We were desperate and ignorant of the ramifications of such a decision but hunger and the prospect of homelessness made the decision to try seem rational.  I went in at 11:oo pm in the middle of the week and the manager hired me immediately but he told me that he would not hire me as a waitress.  If I wanted to work, I had to dance.  Wow what a blow that was.  I went out and asked my boyfriend what to do.  Neither of us really wanted for me to ***** but we were desperate and allowed that desperation to make the decision for us.  That night I worked from about 11:30 to 2am and I made $450.  Fast forward fifteen years......

We have been married for eleven years, we now have a four year old son, and we are no longer drug free or naive.  I walked away from the sex business when I got pregnant and had been successful just being a drug free stay at home mom until my husband was laid off from his job.  The only job I knew was dancing or prostitution and there was no way I could do the latter anymore but I thought I could at least dance.  I had gained about 50lbs and could no longer dance in the more upscale clubs because of my weight so I was forced to dance in the less desirable establishments.  We decided to go to a small town on the Texas/Mexico border where we knew I could make more money than in the lower end clubs of the city.  It was in one of the lowliest most frightening places I had ever worked that the Holy Spirit came upon me once again.

I was dancing on stage and the dj played "What's This Life For" by Creed.  I had never heard that song before but instantaniously I felt the Spirit surround and overwhelm me and we started dancing together right there on the main stage in a filthy topless bar surrounded by drunken and drugged out people.  No one in the place could describe what they had seen but they were all affected.  People were coming to the stage and throwing money on the floor so as not to stop what I was doing.  When the song was finished the dj was astounded by what he had seen and asked me in the most excited way "What was that?!  I did not really know what to tell him other than I have been forever changed and I cannot do this anymore.  I left the club that night and I never went back.

I wanted to share this experience with you here in hopes that anyone who is lost and suffering can know that God will reach down into the lowest of places to bring you back home.  I would also like for any of you who believe yourselves to be better than those who are not on their walk with Jesus to recognize that because of Him and His sacrifice a former drug using, prostitute got to dance with the Holy Spirit and come out forever clean.  I know now what it means to be saved and I am a forgiven daughter of the Most High God. 

takingmylifeback takingmylifeback
41-45, F
1 Response Mar 27, 2009

Your story reminds me alot of me in so many ways. I've done the drug thing and been the sexualy abused little girl by numerous men including my father, brother, uncle, and others. Then God found me a little girl in a foster home all alone. I had meet him yet did not know who he was and had always thought he was just a figment of my imagination until that day I walk into that church and knew he was real. I to tried to commit suicide numerous times as well as self mutilation. God was always with me though I had not gotten saved yet I got saved when I was 14 and God truly cleased my heart of all that hurt I had felt for so long but then I fell away from him and it seemed like it all came back and I became a very cold and mean person and was unable to love at all. There were no feeling in me what so ever I did not hate, love, care, cry, or anything whatsoever and I wondered if I ever could again, it would be many years before I gave my heart back to God only because I didnt think I was good enough for him. God told me one day how much he loved me and that he knew I loved him and that he would give me another heart so I could love again. This is a little of my story and I felt led to share it here. God does still work miricles and I am alive today to prove it literaly. Gods love for us is real and if we will just give him the chance he can change our lives forever.