I am 33. I met a woman online and we talked as friends for 3 or 4 years without ever meeting. Even though she lived only 30 miles from me. She had been diagnosed with "bipolar" and was treated as so. One Christmas, she had started a medication and was feeling more social and really putting the heat on me to meet. So, finally, in Jan. I agreed and we met. One took one look at each other and that was it. (I did a lot of research later.) Borderlines come very intense and very emotional which how they usually snag you into an intense, deep relationship. I had never loved anyone the way I loved her. I also never wanted to marry anyone before her. I had been with other women, one lasting 5 years and another for 2 years. I knew I did not want to marry them. So this time, I felt she was my soulmate and I was 31 at the time. Considering, the divorce rate I felt very secure in my decision to get engaged at 31 for first and only time. I wanted to be 100% sure and I was with her. The relationship lasted only a year. In the beginning, she thought I was the world. I provided for her and her 2 children from previous relationships. Towards the end, she was looking for any flaws in me and seemed to be loosing her mind. I called her psych doctor repeatedly and told him there was something very, very wrong. This was not bipolar. This was something I had never seen before. She kicked in a kitchen cabinet drawer door on Thanksgiving because she didn't want to cook for the kids or me. She ran to her room crying. The children went in and out of her room to console her. I stayed in the living room....thinking she was very angry with me and did not want to see me. And...I had no idea what to do. She came out 20 minutes later, and said in a nasty way, "Thanks for checking on me!" I tried to explain I did not think she wanted to be bothered. She had absolutely no sex drive the last two months we were together. The next Christmas, she flew North to Boston with her 2 kids to spend the holiday with her family. We got in an argument online. I did blow up at her. When she came home, she said she wanted to meet halfway to get her dog I had been almost 3 weeks while she was away. (She lived an hour from me.) She said she did not want to talk, she just wanted to get the dog. It was obvious she was going to break up with me but I did not think it would last. She broke up with by text. On 01/05/2013 she dumped by text after getting the dog. She would not answer phone calls, texts or emails. She only lame excuse for dumping me was that she didn't love me anymore. I knew her well enought to know there was wayyyy more to the story than that. She told me if I came her house, she would have me arrested for trespassing. So for two months, I locked myself away from the world. Oh, I was angry. I had NO answers. NO disclosure. NO idea of even what happened. 4 months went by, and in April she made contact and asked if I wanted to come to her house to her what had happened to her. Well, YEAH, I needed answers so I drove an hour to her home. She told me she went to see her lame psych doctor and told him she was suicidal. By law, he had to commit her to a psych center which was in MY city. She was just miles away the whole time and I never knew. There was finally diagnosed correctly for the first time ever with BPD. They did electroshock therapy twice on her which they only do when the patient responds to absolutely zero. It really messed up her memory. And she continued treatment with the same lame doctor who never listen to me. He had her in CBT therapy. Not DBT therapy. When she contacted me in April, she asked for my help. Help just to keep her check, help with the 2 kids, help in general. So, I put all of my emotions on a shelf to help her for three months. That's not even a human quality. I did countless research on her diagnosis. We got in a screaming match one day because she told me I was not a doctor when I told her that lame doctor she sees did not even have her in the right therapy to begin with. I was screaming at her to do a simple google search so she would see I was right. She refused. One day, in those three months of "helping her"....we never had sex in that time even though I stayed in the same bed, we did a peck on the lips maybe a few time....we were sitting outside watching her children play. She turned to me and said, "I'm not emotionally available." So I said REALLY?? Things in me had begun to really change at that point. I got up, walked in the house, grabbed what little clothing I brought for a short stay, opened my car door and said "BYE!" in a very sarcastic way. And I left her. She is the only woman I have EVER wanted to marry and the only woman I have ever walked out on.

I have changed so drastically since then. My patience, empathy, and whatever I had inside prior to her seems almost gone. She does not even remember who I truly am. In April, when she told me about what happened to her and how it messed up her memory, I asked what she DID remember about me. She simply said "Sex." I thought, they fry your brain with electricity TWICE and ALLLL you can remember is how good our sex life was. She thinks I am the devil.

She didn't beat me. We never cheated on each other. I feel so isolated in my experience. Like I will ever come across someone on my small city who had even a similar experience unless they married a serial killer. The only way they can tell the difference between borderline and antisocial personality disorder is really by actions. She could have bodies buried somewhere. I really could not you. I think what ****** me off the most is that I choose her to get engaged to and announced it to the world. ONCE I get engaged and it blows up in my face. And I have close to 300 people via social media wondering how my status goes from being engaged to single in a day.

It has been almost two years now that I have chosen to stay single. The very idea of dating someone prior to 4 moments ago made me want to vomit. I nearly hated women. I despise her diagnosis. I realize not everyone with this diagnosis is like her including one of my best friends. But something in me has changed. It is bitter and angry. And talking to a counselor about it one thing. Finding someone who went it and to discuss it with is slim to zero.

I decided 4 months ago to see what was out there again. To give the idea of dating a try. And women I have talked with are single for a good reason. I have not given up on the idea of dating. But I have given up in knowing I will never find anyone with an experience like mine. Except a stranger hundreds of miles away. I am isolated in this horrifying experience. I am very intelligent and perceptive, but I would have never seen THAT freight train coming in a thousand years. NEVER.

And women are very curious and ask why I have chosen to remain single for so long. "Uh....it's a weird story." They claim they have heard them all. "Not this one."
bentsurvivor bentsurvivor
36-40, M
1 Response Aug 22, 2014

I was in a very similar situation. Not identical but I can definitely identify with what you went through. My ex BPD gf has gone out of her way to play games even after she broke up with me.