Recovering Assembly of God Baptist

I was raised in Assembly of God denomination Church's. Anyone who has been to one of these churches should understand why I say recovering in my title. I was required to go to church approximately 3X's a week. I was baptized 8 or 9 times each time because of ADD related problems in school. My parents were told that demonic forces were inside me because of behavior and attention problems in school. Which in turn led to many hours of people "laying on hands" and intense prayer.The "antics" that took place in these churches where crazy they include but are not limited to seizure's supposedly brought on by God. Preachers slamming people in the head with olive oil where they subsequently fall down and convulse.  Children forced to pray for hours so that they might get "filled with the holy spirit". All along I was told if I just had more faith all my problems would disappear.

When I was 25 I started going to a Unitarian church they had a Buddhist group there that I started going to. I feel that I am devoted to Buddhism as my way of life now but I still struggle with this feeling that I am going to go to hell. I know that this comes from years of brain washing but it's still there. My husband is also a Buddhist and when he makes comments about there not being a God it still makes me cringe. Has anyone else experienced this?How can I get passed this feeling?

vgraves vgraves
26-30, F
3 Responses Jul 17, 2008

Get a singing bowl, practice impermanence with mindfulness.

-B.C. Adam
A.k.a. Bodi S. Woods
A.k.a. Panama Jack

I always seem to be answering my own comments ... in this case its because I dont think I was very clear on my previous post.<br />
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Cringing when confronted on issues of god and worrying about hell .. is pure habit ... you've spent 25 years being told this is the way it is .. DONT QUESTION JUST BELIEVE ... <br />
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Dont be hard on yourself because you cant shake these feelings very quickly .. <br />
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I approached it in steps .. first I separated religion from god .. did a little research into the history of the bible, Tora, Qur'an ... who wrote them, when why? who edited them what did they leave out .. what did they make up. <br />
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It diminished the authority of the books ... now given that Hell, heavan sins etc are only contained in the books (and not in all of them either) and I dont trust the books it took away the cringe and fear I always felt when confronted. <br />
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You know I've even tested my resolve by daring god to strike me down old testament style ... and let me tell you my heart was in my mouth the first time hehe .. now I only do it when I'm with fundie friends as I enjoy watching them scatter ...

OH yes ... I'm travelling that road towards Buddhism myself .. love the tenets .. no pressure .. and makes soooo much sense ..... but I cannot shake that religous upbringing ... you know how I side-step around it ??? I dont tackle the god belief head on ... I dispute the religious dogma ... I simply dont believe the bible is the word of god along with all the heaven hell and mortal sins we all know it was written by men ... frankly I reckon god is probably a Bhuddist too ;-)