Questioning Existence

When I was little I always wondered in those moments before falling asleep why do I exist, and do i really exist, what is this life?? why do i feel like something is happening but at the same time its not??

It was a blessing to find the dharma, buddhism.

My questions were finally answers literally.

I lived my teenage years mostly trying to destroy my existence by hanging out with friends at all hours and doing drugs.

My first experience with Buddhism was when I was in a group called Students for a Free Tibet in college. I met a Tibetan monk named Palden Gyatso. He spoke no English but when we were introduced and he took my hand in his I was transformed.

I believe it catalyzed me to move to Boulder Colorado about two years later the hub of Tibetan Buddhism in the USA.

There I met older students of the late  Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. I also eventually met the venerable Khandro Rinpoche who I consider my teacher today.

Buddhism has taught me to question everything and to have a skeptical mind and a kind heart all at the same time.

For that I am so grateful.

Bellezza Bellezza
26-30, F
2 Responses Jul 26, 2007

I am happy for you both - I have lots of questions my self, maybe I should look in to this?

Hi Bellezza--<br />
I had nearly the same experience. Lots of early questioning and angst. Went through numerous philosophies and belief systems trying to find something to soothe the angst.<br />
In college I took a World Religions course and learned that it Buddhism insteadof being pissed off about the state of things, I had the opportunity to change myself and my mind.<br />
I went to a Zen talkand saw the Korean zen master Seung Sahn and I was blown away. I had never seen a human manifest in that way. He was truly alive and I was 100% sold on whatever belief systen he had used to get that way. Soon after I moved into a zen center to start practicing.<br />
Like you, I am so grateful to have found this belief system.