I Was A Bully

I was a bully when I was 12 to 16 years old. I'm 21 now. 
I started regretting it when I was about 18 years old, taking all the blame (never apologizing though), and thinking about myself as a cruel young man.
However, recently I've realized that I've always been bullied at home by my older brother (now 24 years old). I thought (as my parents did) that our relationship was typical and normal. Many times you hear cases of siblings not getting along. He made me feel inferior, not only to him, but to everything.
I think I admired him, I thought he was "cool", and I treated a couple kids in school like he treated me, because I wanted to be cool. I had a lot of insecurity issues, always punishing myself for not being cool enough. That's what I think at least.

So I write about this because I am not sure. Is this behaviour usual? Are bullies usually bullied themselves (by their older brothers)? Or am I distorting the past reality in order to avoid any guilt?

Thank you.
wmub wmub
5 Responses May 16, 2012

I was bullied at home by my Mum, and it just made me softer and in school, I was the victim. So maybe we all react in different ways. But it doesn't have to be the case that bullied at home = become a school bully.

It depends on how consistently you bullied others in school, and if you targeted one particular person unnecessarily for a long period of time? If that's how it was, then you knew exactly what you were doing and could have stopped and shown some compassion, despite your own difficult childhood.

Often bullies have been bullied. They'll take out anger on someone they believe is weaker than they are. After target has had enough, often they'll bully that person
back. Is it worth it?

It does sound like being bullied by your older brother was a significant factor in your bullying of others. Have you ever spoken to your brother about this? Do you have the kind of relationship in which you could (gently) point out to him that he treated you pretty badly when you were younger, and for him not to throw this back in your face or use it as a launchpad for more bullying behaviour? I hope so; and if you do, you might be surprised at how good it feels to "clear the air". He might even be carrying around some guilt in the same way you are, and might appreciate an opportunity to make amends.

Likewise, have you considered looking up some of the people you bullied, and apologising? It doesn't need to be a massive display of grovelling; a simple message through Facebook or Twitter, something along the lines of "Hey, how are you doing? I guess we haven't seen each other since High School! By the way, I've realised I was kind of a jerk when I was at High School, so I'm sorry if I ever gave you a hard time." Believe me, if any of the people you bullied are still feeling the effects of it in any way, an apology will go a hell of a long way towards helping them.

Good luck.

I hate bullies but hear let me spell this out I'm pretty Shure it's normal to be bullied to bully but still I think most bullies r just big jerks who do it because they feel enferior and screw your bro for make u bully