My Mds At 34

Doctors say that I have an considerable risk of developing an acute form of Leukemia because of the way my bonemarrow is damaged. I have Secondary Myelodysplasia (MDS) with cytogenic abnormalities and my marrow is continuing to fail me. I am 34 years old and looking towards bonemarrow transplant in the near future. But for now the Dr is telling me to get on woth my life while I still can. This is really hard to fathom. I am really tired most days and it is always there hovering in the back of my mind. My platelets are really down and everytime I bruise I wondering if I am getting sicker. Is there anyone else who shares this anguish? Older people are the usual ones to get this disease. But I guess it is the same as having cancer, and being worried that it will come back. I've known bonemarrow failure before... and it feels like life is being drained from me. Transplant will give me a new lease on life and for that I am thankful (they have found me a donor). I guess I am a survivor of this disease, because I get up every day and still go to work, and do the best to get on with my life while I wait. I am waiting for the risk of disease to be the same as risk of transplant, and then they will proceed. Both can take my life. But today I am living the best I can - even though some days are really hard. Not sure if I am saying this right... these diseases aren't straight forward, so either is my story written here. I enjoy parts of my life, but other bits seem too hard. And I guess I am resolved that if I don't make it through... it's ok. Survival to me is to be happy. And that's what I am fighting for. The cancer or MDS can have it's way... to me without happiness, nothing else matters.
itsjules itsjules
31-35, F
1 Response Aug 25, 2010

The wait continues.... and so does my journey to happiness.... I'm doing ok!