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I Had Rhabdomyosarcoma Part 2 Surgery,sadness And First Taste Of Sedation

As my mother, Father and little brother,Wayne got to thee hospital for my first surgery, I was scared and nervous. They put me in a semi-private room with a girl my age in a TOTAL body cast...I had never seen anything like it...that scared thee %^$# out of me! I have to remind you that I was 13 years old, very sheltered, very spoiled, very modest and private,,these are more things that will greatly change due to this experience. I thought to myself , is that what they are going to do to me!? Although we are very compassionate people and felt so sad for this girl and her mother that dutifully sat by this entombed daughter, my mother asked for a private room. We were moved to a private room.

So, I was admitted thee night before surgery, like they use to do back in thee good old days of decent and compassionate health care..I remember not sleeping much. My mother spent thee night in a chair. Thee next morning a lady came in and told me to shower with betadine. I was orange. And confused. My first IV was next, another thing I would have to get use to ,then years later learn to love it too much. But, thee first time I was a baby! I had never been sick before except for a mild case of thee chicken pox. Right before I went to thee OR my whole family was there. They gave me a pre-op dose of Demerol. I loved it and talked to much, it was funny and it made me happy and not scared. When I got to thee OR and away from my parents a nurse started shaving my leg..she saw that my underwear was still on, she said I needed to take them off. I protested to thee point they had to let my mother come in and talk to me. I felt so invaded and it was a creepy, innocent lost kind of feeling. Even tho I was only 13 I was already having my period (since age 10) and I was built like a 17 year old. I was like a mini Marilyn Monroe, curves, beautiful thick blonde hair...it was just upsetting,even with thee Demerol on board. So, thee shave...it went all thee way up to my crotch..again, I was very upset with this. Thee Anesthesiologist was my new best friend, very sweet and soothing, asked me to do thee ol' count backwards from 100...I got to 98. OUT

When I awoke, it was to this pain I had never experienced. Seconds later Morphine...I wake up in my room with My mother and Daddy. But standing over me was a man that I would get to know very well. I looked at him then looked at my parents. My parents looked terrible. My mother looked like she had lost 30 pounds in thee few hours I was in surgery. I knew something was wrong, I never saw them like that before. This man introduced himself as Dr. Rosen. He was dark haired, handsome..so sweet. He just said it....Wendy you have cancer..I said, am I going to die...( my mother gasps and cries) he said...I hope not, we can give you some medicine that will help. I was told that they purposely told me this news while I was still groggy..I think that is a great idea..Then I drifted back to that beautiful anesthesia sleepiness.

Part 3- Test,torture and treasured times....
pantoponrose pantoponrose 36-40, F Jan 10, 2011

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