Cervical Lymphoma

I was diagnose with cervical lymphoma in 1986, surgery to tie my ovaries up an away from the area they planned to radiate and also to remove as much of the tumor off of my cervix as the doctors were able in an attempt to preserve my ability to have children.

Recovery from the first surgery was a challenge, I could not see myself ever standing up straight but I did. I returned to work after a month. The radiation sucked the rest of the energy I had left out. Then the diarrheal made me bed ridden. Within six month after all treatment was stopped I began to fell like myself again. I knew my reproductive organs were damaged to save my life. It was ok, I thought. Now at almost 50, I would have loved to have had a child. I dreamt pt of children since I was 5. The we're to be no children for me. I have loved others children, I have loved my dogs as children but I have never had the pleasure of having. My own child to love. Again there have been times the thought of not having children had brought me to my knees. I cannot change the way god set up my life. The reason I am unable to have chldren will someday become clear to me. For now I am left with, why? I watch others with their children and it makes my here hurt. I am grateful to have survived this cancer, I am willing to trade my fertility to save my life but why??
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Amala82962 Amala82962
46-50, F
2 Responses May 10, 2012

Adoption was not a option for us, mothering others children and having dogs has filled the gaps enough to get by.

So sad AND i'm sure you would enjoy bringing up an adopted child and that would help to overcome the missing links of a caring mum!!