I Finally Found Peace Within Myself

Six months ago I heard the word cancer as my Dr explained to me what they found on the biopsy. I was devastated and felt a fear come over me. That fear remained with me all these months, some days it was well hidden other days it was right out in the open for all the world to see. I have spent these last six months fighting for my life, having two surgeries and going through chemo/radiation treatments. The tumor was aggressive they said, as they at one point realized the first chemo drug I was on wasn’t working so they immediately changed it to a more aggressive treatment using a combined chemo. This was pretty much my best hope to survive they told me and even then it was going to be difficult. So, I continued on with the new treatment although at times I wanted so badly to give up because of how sick and weak I was getting with each treatment. Somehow, I kept going and finally reached the end of the chemo a couple of weeks ago. Test were then done last week to see if in fact it worked or not. Yesterday, was spent a nervous wreck all day, I could not eat for the queasiness in my stomach wouldn’t let me, sleep was definitely out of the question as I sit up all night long. But, some good came from the night, I did a lot of thinking and soul searching, trying to find something inside to grasp hold of and somewhere in the night I found it……I finally felt a sense of peace come over me, for the first time I felt at peace within myself. As my family and friends awoke this morning they found a calmness about me that they quickly noticed and asked me was I okay. I told them that for the first time in a while, I am okay. I know somewhere inside me that no matter what happens today, I’m going to get through it. So, with that we all begin to prepare for the appointment. I realized that my calmness quickly spread, everyone for once didn’t have that worried look on their face and they were able to look at me without such sadness in their eyes, so by me finding that peace inside myself I helped more than just me, I helped ease their pain and fears. That made a huge impact on me, that my pain and fears had been keeping them in that constant state of worry and not allowing them to live either. By me being OK with whatever happens and finding some peace I was able to allow peace to come to them as well. The day continued on as we arrived at the appointment, everyone was here to support me as I walked into the office. The Dr. looked at me as he walked in, I tried to read his face but he had such a seriousness about him. As he begin to talk over the results I lowered my head and closed my eyes as I prepared myself for what he was about to say…… at this moment he said, “Kylie, look at me“ I looked up and he said, “It worked Kylie, the cancer is gone.” All I could do was cry as I looked to my mom who already had her eyes so full of tears. The Dr. begin to explain how they still wanted to do more radiation to my leg in the area of the tumor just to be on the safe side but then I’ll never forget what he said…….he said, “Go live your life Kylie, your young….don’t let this hold you back any longer” with that he gave me a hug and I was met by some very special nurses with hugs and praise. My mother and I made our way out to the waiting area where the rest of the family and friends were, as we walked out I said, “It’s gone” with that everyone cheered and everyone made their way to hug me. Part of me feels like I could wake up any minute now and this whole day would have never happened but I know it did. I can’t and I won’t spend the rest of my life worrying over the cancer coming back, we all know that could happen but if it does I’ll handle it if it happens. ….so, for now I am going to follow my Dr’s orders……..I’m going to get back to living my life...

 UPDATE......I still get comments on this story from a while back and I appreciate each and everyone of them along with your praises and support. Unfortunately, the cancer returned so I am posting the link to that story if you are interested in reading it as well.  But hey....don't you worry, I will beat it again.....I have to, cause I'm not done fighting yet!!!!!!

http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e...