Double Talk And Dressing Down

I've been having a lot of ongoing issues with communication, misunderstandings, etc. with a particular provider for my son. He's utilizing the services of a Job Coach, or supposed to be.

Recently communication has changed, going from lengthy conversations with detailed explanations to a quick cell call, a brief synopsis, to messages passed through my son.

To provide an example of what I'm struggling with I offer the following:
The job coach had been taking my son out Mon., Wed., and Fri. from 8 a.m. until 12:00 noon. Last week she told me she couldn't take him out Wed. because she had taken a new client and had to be at his job with him Wed. At that time I asked if we could have a planning meeting to talk about a schedule for my son since the new fiscal year began. I was met with a lot of resistance and the offer to work with my son on Mon. and Fri.

When I asked about setting a more concrete schedule, I was told they could go out on any of the three days they had been previously, the agency was keeping things consistent. When I asked about the other client they scheduled on Wed. morning, they told me that was just the one day. When I told the job coach that she hadn't said it was one day, that she said she took on a new client on Wed. that seemed to imply her Wed. were now scheduled with someone else. I asked her how I would be expected to know that if she didn't specify it was just for one week.

She recently told both my son and I that he was likely going to have a difficult time getting a part time job at the location where they had been volunteering because of how few hours he'd been approved for. When I suggested that if that was the case they ought to start pursuing another location, she said she was only talking about the full time position that was available, that the head of the department he's volunteering in approached her and asked if he was ready for employment and when she told her no, she offered him a job in the Spring when they open a new facility, that she meant it wasn't likely he would get hired for a full time job. Again, I asked her how I was supposed to understand that, based on what she had told me?

Last Thursday we spoke on the phone about whether he was going to the job site on Friday. We decided that he would. The understanding I left the conversation with was that I was to think about things over the weekend and we would talk Monday. I honestly don't recall setting a time or a date to meet. When my son came home Friday he told me the woman wanted to meet with me on Monday morning at 8:00.

So, this morning, I woke up, ran the vacuum and told my son I was going to take Kodiak out for a quick walk before it got too hot, that I would be back in time for the meeting and if she got here before I did, please tell her I was on my way. Well, I went to the bank and in my hurry to get home, left the ATM without my receipt. When I realized I didn't have it, I went back and it was gone. I hurried home, only to find the job coach's car here. I came in and apologized right away, saying I had to go back because I'd forgotten something. In a very agitated voice, with considerable attitude the job coach, while looking at her watch said, "I thought we were having a meeting here at 8:00 or was I wrong?" I again explained to her that if I hadn't had to back track I would have been here on time.

You must understand that this woman is late every single day she comes to pick up my son to take him to the job site. Sometimes she's 5 min. late, sometimes 10. When she comes late she constantly blames it on traffic, getting behind a 'big load' coming through town, behind school buses, road construction, etc. She excuses her tardiness by saying she told him she'd be here around "8ish". She blamed my son for being late, when he called her on her habitual tardiness, though I can only think of one time he's not been right at the door waiting on her to get here. He's typically standing outside on the deck (with me and Kodiak) in the heat waiting on her. He stands inside the door watching for her so he can go as soon as she's here. She told him she cuts him slack when he's late and he should give her the same respect... I guess that doesn't apply to me?

She suggested that to provide my son with a more consistent schedule perhaps we could change his hours and they could go out on Mon. and Wed. because Fridays tend to be a difficult day for her, she takes them off when there's a holiday, she schedules her adult daughter's appointments for Fridays and her supervisor requires an 'in-office' paperwork day one Friday a month. We said that sounded good. A few sentences later she said the employer where he's volunteering prefers Fridays, so they would likely have to schedule his one other day on Monday or Wednesday. Ok, so which is it? Are you offering us Mon. and Wed. so we can have a more consistent schedule or are you saying the employer prefers he come on Fridays? How can I make a choice, if you offer one then seemingly take it away?

She lectured me that "you shouldn't treat him like there's anything wrong with him. He's capable of doing the job, of talking to me, of speaking up and saying what he needs/wants. You can't baby him, he's capable of a lot more than he's given credit for." Well she's preaching to the choir! I'm the one who's been saying he has incredible potential, he just needs the confidence to strike out and he will be successful. She and her agency assessed him and reported that he wasn't capable of competitive employment, that he should work in a sheltered workshop environment, even though I pointed to his experience volunteering at the local hospital and that the testing environment was less than ideal. I'm the one that fought for him to be included in the program because he does have the capabilities to be a contributing member of society.

How dare she? How dare she lecture me about my own son? How dare she take the position she did today, in my home, dressing me down when she is the person causing the stress, being inconsistent in providing services and keeping us updated so we know what to expect and how to plan??

If she were capable of giving us complete information, being consistent with her plans for his services we wouldn't be experiencing most of the stress that's associated with this program thus far.

I've sat here crying this morning for some time. I've tried to search out someone I could talk to about the situation, with no luck. I could explode!
rollingwithhusky rollingwithhusky
46-50, F
1 Response Jul 12, 2010

That's what we're thinking too. The hours were cut in half because of the fiscal year ending and I think she lost her incentive to do her job.