I Feel Like I Will Never Have The Marriage I Wanted

i have been with my wife for 7 years. (4 as husband and wife). she was sick when we first met but she was managing it and she was very self sufficient and independant. the year we got married, her health worsened. an old disease thought rid of years before returned (meniere's disease) and that, along with a number of other related issues ( sjogren's syndrome, bipolar, OCD, CREST, oscillopsia, celiac, chronic pancreatitis) has transformed our marriage into something completely unrecognizable. i feel as though i'm the caregiver and she the patient. i do almost everything she asks. (some requests are impossible) we argue a lot. when angry she says the most horrible and hurtful things and in my anger i follow suit. (she would say its the other way around) my eventual apologies usually end in more arguments that only end when i stop talking and i give up completely.

i used to be the most easy going, patient and social person whom people gravitated towards. since, i've become a recluse, rarely ever go out, never call friends nor have much desire to make new ones and often to my wife, am very angry and incredibly impatient. she tells me to go out and see my friends and family. but then gets angry that she was left alone and i didnt put her first. we have just started to see a counselor and i have been trying to get control of my anger myself as appointments slowly creep up. i am having trouble affording everything as she cannot work and bills mount up when it comes to all of the specialty items she needs to feel like a person. i dont know how to show her how much i love her...and sometimes i am even unsure about that. i cannot just leave. that is cowardly and selfish and would leave her with absolutely no help whatsoever.she feels trapped by her diseases. i feel trapped by the situation. i remember when we used to be happy. now we are so angry at each other and blame the other for our misery. she says its up to me to make our marriage better by showing her that i love her and need her. i find myself so mentally numb that i can't express that. and when i do she doesnt believe me and another horrible discussion ensues.

sorry. im just venting and i dont know what else to do. i still have another week before my first appointment with the counselor. im thinking it should be a session with both of us instead of just me...

i'm trying to read other people's stories so i do not feel so alone...
platypusduck platypusduck
3 Responses May 17, 2012

I'm in a similar boat, I just wanted to let you know your not alone. I also have no idea what to do I'm looking into counseling as well.

I've been a caregiver to my husband for the past five years. I have spent this day searching the internet for someone anonymous to talk to because I feel like I'm dying inside and I can't really talk to anyone I know about it. I don't really have any words of advice because I am so weary and so numb right now myself. I do understand all of the different emotional struggles though.

I too go through the emotional ups n downs
Caring for my husband can be draining. Ibtry to go to work. Maintain the house n care for him 3 dogs n a cat. My hands are full. He just got out of the hospital ..from cdiff colitis.
I can understand..feeling you were hoping for more from life. Oh well we play the hand we care delt

Hi.I know how hard it is to do what you do.I became a caregiver to my husband when I got married.It's real hard to have to do everything.It's sure not fun.I don't have any advice because I'm new to this caregiver stuff! But I do know how you feel.Good luck & let me know how things are going.