Caring For Grandma... Dad Is Interfering

HI All, I have been looking for someone/something/someplace to be able to share and connect with others.
So 2 months ago my Grandma had a stroke while we were out for lunch, she all of a sudden could not write her own name - to sign for the bill at the restaurant. I knew something was up to I took her to the emergency department of the local hospital. After waiting for over 10 hours we finally saw a doctor and they all though it was a rapid onset of dementia. After many tests, including her first CT scan which did not show a stroke, it was finally determined that she had a stroke. She was hospitalized for one month and then discharged to the rehab hospital. During the hospitalization, both my father and my uncle were also hospitalized. Thankfully at the same hospital.... I just had to remember which floor i was on to determine who I was visiting. My uncle had a bacteria in his blood and is doing better now, my father just had a re-occurrence of his chronic pancreatitus, which I suspect was brought on by the stress of my grandma in the hospital and his drinking 'issue' ( Don't tell him he has an issue). He was hospitalized 6x last year. His hospitalizations are becoming old hat.

I am 30 years old and lived with my father up until Grandma was hospitalized. My mother (Grandma's only child), had a brain aneurysm and passed away 8 years ago. Since then, I have been dealing with my father alcoholism and abuse daily, well, until I moved here. Grandma needs assistance bathing and with meal prep and housekeeping but otherwise is doing amazingly well. Her memory is the sh*tz but that was the only real issue after the stroke. However, my father has decided to be a total control freak,  and has hired help for her during the day as I work. This seemingly nice gesture has become a point of contention. I asked the hired help to start earlier in  the day, as I work at 7 am and this started world war 3.

I apparently am not allowed to change her hours without running it by HIM. I work shift work and on weekends occasionally,  but he will not help out and watch her when I need assistance for my own doctors appointments etc.  or on weekends when the caregiver works another job. He does not want  the hassle. I have given up my freedom and my life to assist my grandma and HE will not lift a finger to assist me. Last night he called me to berate me and tell me " SEE I TOLD YOU IT WAS HARD, YOU THINK YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING,BUT YOU CANT, CAN YOU?" and then asked me if I am thankful he hired help.( which i might add, was done without any consultation with anyone).

Being a caregiver, is already hard, I am mourning the loss of my own freedom and the loss of my grandmothers ability to take care of herself. ( she is not quite the same person she was....) I am going through quite a rough time dealing with the changes in my life. BUT HE IS MAKING MY LIFE IMPOSSIBLE. I just want to crawl under a rock and die. This is fatherly love??????

phishprincess phishprincess
26-30, F
7 Responses Jul 21, 2010

my thoughts and prayers go out to you.I too take care of my x husband 6 mos out of the year.Life can be so hard and unforgiving.You can only do , what you can..And what you do is amazing!!My GF lost her Mom to a devastating life of pain.We were both her care giver to the end of her life*many hugs!!

Thank you all for responding to my rant/ story. It really made me feel less alone and more understood at this very confusing time. I am so thankful that I have found you all. Cant chat now, but will soon

I am a carer too if you want to message me you can

Dear Princess,<br />
I think you are an amazing person to be willing to sacrifice at your young age for an elderly relative. It is not fair that you have this burden and it appears that you are the only person of strength in the situation. Luv and Kindal have made excellent suggestions to help ease your burden. I truly hope things improve for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you Sweetie!<br />
Many hugs, Jennifer

Hello phishprincess,<br />
I am sorry that you are being hit with so many difficult things at once. Being a caregiver for your grandma and mourning the person that she once was is difficult enough without other family drama. I am sorry that your uncle and father had been in the hospital as well. I wish I could be of more help. The only thing I might suggest, if your grandma needs someone with her at all times, is that if there is a senior citizens center/daycare in your area, she might be able stay there for a few hours a week, to give you a break. God Bless!

not sure why I need to run things by dad either. He is being a control freak about everything. <br />
<br />
We don't qualifiy for gov't assistance

not sure why you have to run thing by your father to make changes<br />
<br />
yes the life of a care giver is very different than many thing<br />
<br />
do not know where you live but many places you can get paid by the goverement to provie a certain amount of care as long as you meet the guilde lines