Doing My Duty
My parents, both in their 60's, are nearing the end of their life. My mother suffers from dementia and my father has emphysema and COPD. I am starting to wonder if he may have cancer as well. My parents hate doctors and usually refuse to see one. Which makes my job even harder. I can't help them get better if they do not want to get better. Their excuse is they are sick and tired of being sick and tired. As of late my father talks of when , not if, he dies. He seems to welcome it and be ready for it. My mother is the same. They talk of the “Old days” and what life was like when they were younger. I love hearing their stories. Especially my mom's because she is starting to forget more and more of herself everyday. They shake their heads when I say how much I paid for groceries. “Milk cost how much?! I remember when milk was so much cheaper and even delivered to your door.” or “We had a cow it was much cheaper” I have learned a lot in the last few years of living here and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But it breaks my heart that they would rather give up and die rather than fight and live in the world they see unfolding before them. They have a new grand-daughter and my sister and I want them to see her grow up and be in her life, even though that is not a real possibility. They refuse to ever live in a “Home” so it is up to me, I guess, as the eldest child, to say yes ma'am no ma'am, yes sir no sir, keep them comfortable as much as I possibly can and accept the reality they have chosen for themselves. I mean really I can not force them to go to a Dr and I will not use the “Law” to do so. After all they have lived a just and peaceful life. They worked almost to their deaths and took care of me even after I left home at 17 and got married. They still fed me and gave me money when I needed it. Gave me a place to live when I went through a divorce from an abusive marriage. Nursed me back to health when I tried to end my life. Really I owe it to them. Because they chose to give birth to me and keep me and take care of me. I had a loving home, even though my childhood was sorta traumatic. Some people say I am not obligated too and I should just put them in a nursing home. To what avail though? So they can lay there and die alone? I feel that life has brought me right to this point. And that this is exactly where I am supposed to be and exactly what I am supposed to be doing.