You Know You Are a Nurse If...

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?
It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!

You know you're a nurse if...

You would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley.

Your sense of humor gets more warped each year. Almost everything can seem

You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.<

You wash your hands BEFORE you use the bathroom.

You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing
than they know.

You check the caller ID on your day off to see if anyone from the hospital
is trying to call and ask you to work.

Discussing bodily fluids over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the
nicest restaurants.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if you say, It's
unusually quiet around here today"

You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no
idea how that got stuck in there".

You notice that you are using more 4 letter words than you even knew before
you started nursing.

Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on
you .

You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to convince the
doctor is more difficult."

You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and
to holler if they need help.

Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

You find yourself checking out other customer's veins in grocery waiting

You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they will
drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.

You have seen more penises than any prostitute.

If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend who is, it's
just to help you understand our mind set and questionable mental
status/sanity. Most of the time we function in spite of this sick sense of
humor, fairly normally and very responsibly

Scary, huh??????

Mystic44 Mystic44
41-45, F
16 Responses Sep 12, 2007

Hahahaha!!! YES YES YES to every one of those. Isn't being a nurse so much fun?!

Im thinking about nursing....any advice? Im not sure if its right for me. Anyone help?!?!

lol!! I can't even begin to count how many holiday dinners I've ruined for unsuspecting family who ask how work has been!! The colostomy stories do it every time! Needless to say their all very relieved when I have to work those days,lol

My mother is a nurse and I ESPECIALLY loved "Discussing bodily fluids over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you."<br />
<br />
We will be right in the middle of eating lunch and my mom will start telling me about how she had to empty the poop bag that's attached to the intestines that are hanging out of a person's body and how the person moved at the wrong time and she almost spilled it everywhere.<br />
<br />
Oh god... I've lost my appetite.

Ohhhh yes!!! OMG!! Who can forget that!!! Well thanks for adding it!!! LOL

Cool!! A Fellow CENA! Glad to meet ya katt!! *Grins*

I really appreciated this story. I'm also a CNA and that story is right on the money. LMAO!!!!

Ha ha ha ha I know what you mean Eve!!! Glad to be of help LMAO!!

I laugh so much reading this!!

Sure Burgandy Girl I will send you a personal message k?

I loved these jokes but I really DO want to become a CNA..... Can you tell me more about it Mystic???

Yer Welcome! ;)

LMAO Ohhh that's hilarious!! Thanks emerald!

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after a 20 hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and starts to write with it. She looks at the flabber-ghasted teller and without missing a beat says, " Well that's just Great! Some @sshole has got my pen!!" =O

Isn't it?? I got the biggest laugh from it when my friend who is a nurse sent it to me from California.. I had to share it somewhere!! *grins* Good to see u grams!! *hugs* CindySue

Too cute!