A CheatingI just recently cheated on my boyfriend. Again.
For a long time, since two years, in fact, I've been with my boyfriend. During this 2 years we were a loving relationship, it is however from what i feel, going down hill now. The distance is just killing our love and it is physically and emotionally tiring us.
Lately, I've been questioning myself plenty of things. My priorities, my passion and my life directions. Do i want to get married? How long do i want to stay in my current job? Where do i see myself in 10 years time? All this question inevitably involves him which somehow i have no answer to. My future is a mist of gray.
I'm not saying this to justify my doings however, it is definitely one of the causes.
Honestly, i know I'm not the marrying kind. The first time i cheated i knew i would do it gain, even though I'm the kind who cannot handle guilt and i told myself not to.
For a long time initially in my relationship i pride myself for staying faithful. I managed for the first year and a half. But my first cheat change everything. It was just raw lust that night. Guilt was obvious but i was disappointed with myself more so because i wasn't able to stay faithful. I tried so hard to maintain my good records but in the end i failed.
This time i cheated with a man i found to be insanely indifferent. He is widely traveled, knowledgeable, charismatic and opinionated. I have never met someone who I've had such intense conversations with. Something which i find lacking in my boyfriend. when i met up with him, i didn't intent to sleep with him that night. I told myself it is just going to be a friendly dinner, it was the intense conversations that i looked forward to. Somehow the connections turned into attraction.
It is probably the thrill, It is probably my self esteem. Or maybe I'm just curious. Or wanting to move to greener pastures. I know whats is wrong with me and I know what i can do to stop myself but i chose not to.