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Compelled to Cheat

Since I was a sophomore in high school I've been afraid to get too into a real relationship because I'm afraid to get hurt so I kind of turn the table on my partners. I always cheat and the thing is I do it with people I don't even care about. I lost the first guy I loved due to this, but yet I continued to do it and I can't escape. I feel like karma is going to bite me in the *** when I find the one I love and I fear it with my life. I'm so paranoid and now I feel like I will never be truly happy because I screwed too many innocent boys over. How can I get over this?...
LadyToken LadyToken 16-18, F 4 Responses Dec 28, 2007

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i think once you figure out why you have this fear of being intimate (being emotionally close), you'll be able to get over it.<br />
<br />
what makes you afraid to let someone in?

Well, if you believe in karma, maybe you should look into re-balancing the cosmic sum with good deeds?<br />
<br />
Or is it just plain guilt?

No I know I can stop cheating if I really try, but the feelings that karma will come to me.

What part of what you've expressed are you trying to overcome?<br />
<br />
Your tendency to cheat?<br />
<br />
Or the feeling you have that happiness will elude you?