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Compelled to Cheat

Since I was a sophomore in high school I've been afraid to get too into a real relationship because I'm afraid to get hurt so I kind of turn the table on my partners. I always cheat and the thing is I do it with people I don't even care about. I lost the first guy I loved due to this, but yet I continued to do it and I can't escape. I feel like karma is going to bite me in the *** when I find the one I love and I fear it with my life. I'm so paranoid and now I feel like I will never be truly happy because I screwed too many innocent boys over. How can I get over this?...
LadyToken LadyToken 16-18, F 4 Responses Dec 28, 2007

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i think once you figure out why you have this fear of being intimate (being emotionally close), you'll be able to get over it.



what makes you afraid to let someone in?

Well, if you believe in karma, maybe you should look into re-balancing the cosmic sum with good deeds?



Or is it just plain guilt?

No I know I can stop cheating if I really try, but the feelings that karma will come to me.

What part of what you've expressed are you trying to overcome?



Your tendency to cheat?



Or the feeling you have that happiness will elude you?