I Cheated, I Regret It (somewhat), And Now What?

I also been married young, at 17 & he's 18. We had 3 children. I filed a divorce after 7 years. It's because of his irresponsibility, of not having a stable work & being poor & not doing something about it. I became a stronger person. I have in a lot of affairs, some serious, some not, some one night stands. Im now 36, i'm living with a guy 6 years younger than me for almost 9 yrs & its not all fun. For so many times i tried ending our relationship but we have a child, he keeps coming back but he's a cheater. So am i. I don't care as long as he's good with the kids, the kids loves him & happy with him, we can work out some things..I know you'll have more experiences to come & every problem is good. Because with it we learn, we love, we shared. Everyone will hurt us in some ways, just choose the person whom you want to get hurt

I say seek counseling. That way you can say within yourself "you tried everything". However, we don't seem to realize that some times counseling can help couples see that they do need to separate. Staying in a failing relationship for the "kid's sake" is the worse advice to give someone. Kids are not dumb and that breeds an unhealthy environment of tension that will rub off on the kids. If you are not happy and miserable, how can you expect to commit 100% of yourself to your kids? What we teach our kids is "It's okay to live a lie." I'm not advocating divorce, but I **** sure ain't advocating being miserable either. We as humans, get married, make changes in our lives, and end up losing our true identity trying to please the other or make the other love them. You can't make anyone do anything. It only pushes them away. Maybe he knows you are always going to be there so there is no threat to change. If you do not love him, set him free to find love the way he feels he need it. It's not selfish of you to want to leave. He cheated, you cheated. It happened, now what? Make solid good decisions for you and your children and staying is not always the right answer. Kids get over it. As long as you both are constant factors in their lives they won't miss a beat. I speak this from experience and witnessing it being done today by a friend and his ex wife. Not to mention the kids like it better now because mommy and daddy are not fighting anymore.

I can relate to your story because even though I have been unhappy for so long I kept trying to stick it out and as crazy as my husband may be does love me for who i am and nobody has ever been there for me, now I don't want him because of all the previous feeling and now the guilt. I think we both need to be brave and move on as hard as it is. Although, it is so much easier to say than do.

Taylor: I am in your corner and will support you 100%. I too cheated and I tell you that if I have one regret, it is not leaving my H when it first started. Now, I am stuck and sad most of the time. I yearn to be with my man and hate being alone, which I am when I am without him. You need to do what is best for you and your kids. I decided to stay married for my kids. But, this sacrifice eats away at me diality.

If it weren't for the kids I'd say to end it quickly by leaving and not having any contact with him except as necessary to handle the divorce. Unfortunately, there are children involved. As someone else mentioned I would suggest counseling from a licensed, professional, marriage or family counselor. In a lot of cases you can find one for free. Where I live such free services are often available via the public schools.

Maybe try counseling ....the grass isn't greener on the other side....but he needs to change and invest in you....IMO