Oops.....

So, this is an update from my last story. My husband and I had gotten into a big fight on Halloween. He was upset the I had gotten a ride home from a couple of his friends, which I didn't understand what the big deal was. I had my 3 kids with me and 2 teenage girls, so its not like I was alone with these guys. And I know them well enough that I trusted them. Well, that started a whole big fight between us. He said that I was acting like a ***** for jumping into a car with a couple dudes, and my arguement was that it was cold and I accepted the ride for the kids. Anyways, to make a long story shorter, I had an out, an oportunity to leave. My husband finally realized that I was serious about him changing. He finally said that he was sorry and that he wanted me to stay. So I did. The next day he left almost as soon as I woke up, and before he left he asked me, "so what are you doing? are you leaving or staying?" I told him that I thought I told him that I wanted to stay. Then he hugged me, kissed me and left with his friend. And was gone for 12 hours!!! I was pissed, he left our phone with me, and they weren't answering his friend's phone. So I went to see Luis, which I realize now was a bad idea. I ended up having sex with him. I didn't mean to or plan on it. It just all happened so fast. And of course, I get home and my finally answers the phone and is home within the hour. I felt really bad. Since then Luis and I have had sex a couple times, but it only ever happens when I'm mad at my husband, which makes me feel even worse.

But its all about to end. The owner of the restaurant I work at is trying to open a new restaurant 2 and a half hours away and has asked Luis to work in the kitchen at the new location. So by the start of next week, he is moving away.

I've heard from lots of people that you can love 2 people at the same time, but I never thought it would happen to me. Now, I'm not saying that I love Luis, but I've developed very strong feelings for him that confuse me. It's just new and exciting, and he really is a good guy. But that language barrier!!! It drives me crazy. There are so many things that I want to tell him, and that I want him to understand but I can't. That its not just a fling and that I really do cared about him. Its all so complicated, but as much as it hurts, I think him leaving is for the best. My husband has promised to change and is doing a good job at it, but there are times he backslides alittle. Rome wasn't built in a day I guess. And I want to give him a chance now that he knows what's at stake if he messes up again. I guess this experience is just gonna have to be something that I keep locked up in a secret place in my heart. He'll be one of those people that have affected my life that I will never forget. And I hope that he feels the same way.

I just read a story that I think fits me in my situation. That cheaters are cheaters because of their insecurities. I have low self-esteem issues and I'm always comparing myself to other people. And its always nice to be flirted with and feel attractive. And I thinks thats what happened in my situation. I know my husband thinks I'm attractive and loves me for who I am, but to feel wanted by someone new just made me feel better about myself(I know that my be alittle shallow but its how I felt at the time). It's something that I'm trying to work on that, but it's a long road. I just have to learn to love myself and my flaws.