I Am Lost

I have been with my husband for 10 years.. unhappily for at least 4.... we dont see eye to eye on most everything including parenting..
i cheated on my husband just thinking i was having fun. I was tired of being unhappy. Well i am in love with the other man. He is amazing. Treats me amazing. Everything that my husband is not he is...
I have been seeing him a while.. he thinks i am seperated from my husband... i want to be with him and leave my husband but i dont want to seperate my kids from their dad...
I feel like i am creating a path of pain all around me and i cant stop. I cant imagine my life with him in it.. i love my husband in a patterened way because we have the kids and the history. But i am not in love with him at all. That being said i dont want to hurt him either. I am madly in love with my boyfriend. It is as if we were made for each other.
I know if either found out about each other both would leave me... i dont know what to do, or how to do it.
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12 Responses Nov 26, 2012

Ok, here is my 2 cents and I speak from personal exp. Do not expect this other man to be your soulmate! Believe me you are not in love just in lust! It is the lure of an affair, you don't have to live together, pay bills together (fight over money) or life in general. Trust me it all changes when you change that dynamic! i did it! Here I am again, right back where I started and having yet another affair only this time i will not leave. It is a vicious circle girl! Just stick with hubby, be discreet, don't take too many chances, cover your tracks really well, and tell your bf that you are married but unhappy and he should accept that or else let him go and find another! There are many out there who won't care believe me.

Sit down and talk like adults with your husband if your not happy then most chances he isn't either. Work out a plan for you both to have joint custody. Children would rather come from a broken home then live in one... And as far as your new boyfriend accepting the fact your married you also have to consider its not always going to be the fine times your having now because he will be around your children if you guys work out and stay together. So is he willing to take on the rules as a step parent? And of not you may be actually happier single then living I'm an unhappy marriage and have time to clear your head . Good Luck

you are not just lost, confused and scared. you are also cheating and lying to yourself and to the two men. Do everyone a favor, yourself included and tell the truth so that everyone can move forward. Or you'll be picking up the pieces by your lonesome self. good luck.

Man you hit the spot with me. That is how I was when i seprated with my ex. I had a boyfriend on the side and he treated me good. We always had fun when we were together. We were both married and two years ago me n my boyfriend was together I left him at home that nite and his wife got mad and call the cops on him and told them he was hitting there kids and had a knife to her throat. But I knew that wasnt true cause she seen me drop him off that nite. Now he is in jail been there since that nite. No I am all alone and I c my ex with his new girlfriend and my kids hate me and say its my fault that I cheated because my ex told my kids everything. So now I m all a lone cause I dont even know if my boyfriend is gonna be able to stay here in Texas cause he was born n Mexico but been here since he was 6 months old.


My wife had an affair and also though her "boyfriend" was amazing and they weree meant for each other. But once the sex thing wore off she realized the grass wasn't as green on the other side.

Seek a counselor for yourself. If that counselor is not helpful....find a different one. You need to discuss this with someone who is interested in helping you and is a professional. Good luck

I stayed in my marriage for the sake of my kids but it only hurt them more. They can sense a problem; tension in the home. I hate to say this but in order for you to be happy there will be pain but you can decrease the pain and eliminate destruction by ending your marriage and keeping quiet about the affair. This one you will have to take with you to the grave--or post anonymously on EP, lol.

Seriously, keep your mouth shut because your children will not understand, they will blame you and may struggle with forgiving you.

Tell your husband your unhappy and that the marriage has become unhealthy for all of you.

When you come home it is suppose to be serene, peaceful, comforting.............Not dread, confusion, and pain.

After the holidays make 2013 about the necessary change needed for your happiness. If your not good than your no good for your kids. Just be sure you can not repair your marriage. If your certain move on--the sooner the better.

BTW: Wait a few months for your children to adjust before even talking to them about dating.

This is a horrable situation to be in. I have been there. But, peoeple don't cheat just for sex.. You, can't stay for the kids and be miserable your whole life. I ended up going back to my husband and I AM still miserable. He said he would change and it never happened. But, good luck!

Now a days many men & women cheat at some point in their life for various reasons. However, in your case you love this person & don't love your husband. There is no easy way out. You can't achieve what you want without creating lot of mess for yourself. You have weigh prose & cones of what you decide because you should not do something that you may have to regret later.

I think this situation happens a lot. I'm sure the kids are aware you and their dad aren't happy. If you can try a trial separation and see how that goes, that's my opinion. I see well adjusted kids come from these divorces.

Only you can decide what is best for you but one thing is clear you have to make a decision before all this backfires on you. It's only a matter of time before the truth comes out.