What Have I Done??

Only recently, 4 days ago I have cheated on my boyfriend. I don't even know how it happened! I am in a happy relationship for over two years now. Everything is going well, not perfect but good. We're both very busy, so we don't see each other much apart from sleeping in the same bed during the week and we spending weekends together. Recently moved in to a new house. My boyfriend is a lovely person, very supportive, not so romantic but a great companion! He can get verbally abusive at times when he gets over stressed or upset but I love him, and I love his family and I love being beside him. Our sex life is I would say good, we don't have sex often due to work but sex is completely satisfying when it happens. So in general everything is just going well for us.

Few days ago, over the weekend, I went out for a staff party. I wasn't supposed to go to town, only go to my colleagues house for few hours and then come back home. I don't really like going out anymore. When the party was about to end for me, everyone started persuading me to come out after all, even my bf was telling me over the phone to come out.

I went out with them, and I must say had a brilliant night. But around 1:30 AM I started feeling like I had too much alcohol. Went for a *** to a smoking room, and then decided to come out of the club.. My legs took me to a gay bar next door, mind you were gay couple. I didn't even know what was I doing, looking at random people outside, feeling the urge to kiss some 1 any one! The bouncer told me the bar is closed, but I stayed outside smoking my ***. After my second cigarette the bouncer let me in :/ I was acting very weird.. just walking around the bar, flirting with who ever passed me.. then went to a smoking room for yet another ***. I started looking around, I remember noticing the tall fella, I was attracted to his height and a lovely manly face. Then some one just chatted me up and started introducing me to people. I was happy out standing not on my own, at least talking to someone, and then this fella came over, I got introduced to him, from the very first second I've noticed how drunk and horny he was, giving me looks from the start. Then I leaned over and asked him 'do you wanna one night stand?' classy! he agreed straight away, we went out looking for a cab, kissing on the street! so stupid of me.. I went back to his place and we had sex... :( I still can't believe it had happened to me. It all seems like a story I just read or seen on TV. I was always against cheating and cheaters and was always swearing to never do it myself. I don't know what took over me that night, and why did I do it. I feel guilty, horrible, worthless and helpless. I don't know if ill get over the guilt or will eventually be forced by my own system to let it out. At the moment I have decided not to tell anyone, not even my mum who once cheated herself. I have found and blocked the guy on FB on both my and my bfs account. My boyfriend and him have 38 mutual friend on FB, just to let ye know. And I don't know what will be my next step, I feel so lonely and can't do anything about it. I know that it was just a stupid drunken mistake that will never happen again. But I still don't know how can I cope with making that mistake and what are the best steps now... Is there anyone there with the same dilema?
deleted deleted
26-30
3 Responses Dec 4, 2012

Be honest someday it will come out.....

Do not confess.

Put it down to experience. You can't undo what has been done, but you can learn from it. Good luck. x