Post

I Never Thought I Would Be The One

After 10 years of sexually frustrating marriage, I sought the embrace of another man. For the first time I had the big O. For the first time I had sex more than once a day. For the first time I had sex that lasted more than 5 minutes. He's married. I'm married with kids. There is no future for us. So why is it that I can't stop thinking about him? Waiting for him to email me? Hoping that he cares about me (but deep down inside knowing that it's just sex for him). I'm beginning to think that perhaps I need to leave my husband despite all the other good qualities. I'm in my 30's. I can't imagine living for another 30 - 40 years sexually frustrated and seeking fulfillment with other guys.
Goldfish111 Goldfish111 31-35, F 8 Responses Dec 25, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

Why do we burden our relationships with the expectation that they have to meet all of our sexual needs? Why can't you have a deeply fulfilling relationship with one person, and fulfilling sex with someone else? Does sex mean you don't love your husband? No. I get it- that's what people call moral, but I have come to a place in my life where I will always love my wife, and she will always love me. We are each others' loves. But, if she wants to experience pleasure with someone else, and comes back to me happy, why shouldn't I be happy, so long as we are each others' love? Again, we burden our relationships with the responsibility of being both the best friend and confidant, a great mother or father, AND the perfect sexual partner? No wonder so many people split up.

The affair is actually not a bad thing... Developing feelings for your "other man" is a very bad thing. It's a dangerous path to walk, and we don't know what we have until we have lost it.

I know the feeling...what to do?!

Now that you have tasted good fulfilling sex, you will always seek fulfillment, whether it's your husband or a lover, whether you're married or divorced. That's human nature. Only an ignorant person can live with that kind of sexual frustration, now that you've seen and tasted good sex for yourself, there's no going back for you. Do govern yourself accordingly.

Divorce is much more exhausting and traumatic than cheating. Do what you've gotta do, but think long and hard before giving up what you have.

We are creatures of habit and need connection, from anyone suitable. There is no future but when it come to sex, whats love got to do with it, a second emotion.

That kind of sexual frustration sux!

Gee, you have had it really tough in your marriage. There just comes a time when our bodies overrule our morality. I really cannot understand guys like your husband. He broke his vow to you first (for what it's worth) by withholding sex from you for so long. The whole reason that we're supposed to be loyal in our marriage is because a husband and wife are supposed to take care of the other one's needs. And there comes a point when those needs have to be met. If your husband is unresponsive to you, and unwilling to seek counseling with you, then you will have to decide whether it's best to stay or leave. Both of you have got to want it, but not necessarily for the same reasons. I wish you the best!