A Difficult And Complex Relationship

I have been married for four and a half years. My wife has a history of sexual trauma from when she was a teenager, and our dating life was difficult as she worked through those issues in therapy. During that time, she transferred a lot of her negative feelings about men on to me, and several times I thought about ending the relationship but never did. We eventually got through that rough patch, and things were good.

However, our sex life was never great, and while dating, I had several one-night stands/hookups, which I never told her about.

We married, and I tried to stay faithful, but did have a couple one nighters. Then, this past January, while she was pregnant with our first child, she had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized. If that wasn't bad enough, my mother was very sick and passed away seven months later.

This September I met a woman. We fast became friends and there was an obvious sexual chemistry that we fought for some time. We eventually became lovers. This affair continued for a couple months and we just recently broke if off but still have a deep friendship with each other. I think I have fallen in love with this woman.

Concurrently, since my wife's hospitalization, we have grown further and further apart emotionally. She is consumed with caring for our son and has little time for me. I feel abandoned in our relationship and there is no romance or sex despite my expressing my desire to have those things. Recently, I told her that while I love her, I don't feel like I am in love with her. This didn't seem to register with her.

I feel as though we have grown so far apart that I am not sure when can survive, and, at the same time, I am recognizing the role my own behavior has played in this situation. If I stay with my wife, I want to be faithful. But, I feel like she does not even want to work on the relationship at this point. Right now, the only thing that is keeping me is our son who is almost 1.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Does the romance ever come back as the children get older? Has anyone else left at a similar point in their relationship? (and to be clear, if I did leave, it would not be for the other woman).
scinnyc28 scinnyc28
31-35, M
1 Response Jan 28, 2013

Make sure your son number 1 and protect him even if it mean telling your lover to take a hike. Your affair is getting out of hand but continue to express your feeling to her.