An Interview With A Woman And Her Affair

Cynthia’s Ride

Life ain’t always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride.

- country singer Gary Allan, Life Ain’t Always Beautiful

Most people don’t just flip a switch one day and decide to embark on an affair. They come to that decision only after a lot of deep deliberation and reflection. It’s not one big step, but a series of little steps. Like a little kid standing at the edge of the pool contemplating the idea of jumping in, they’re timid, nervous, a little afraid, and yet they know they want to want to feel the water--and eventually they do. Of course, after experiencing the elation of that initial timorous jump, they immediately go about jumping, even leaping, into the pool for hours on end until exhaustion sets in.

Cynthia is a wonderful lady I had the pleasure of meeting one day. She is a sizzling brunette that attracts men’s attention when she walks into a room. She loves football and is an avid fan and highly educated in the art of the game. She can easily hold her own in any conversation about the X’s and 0’s of the game with the guys at the local sports bar. Be warned, if one of her favorite teams is a rival of yours, you’d better bring you’re A game if you want to engage her on game day. If a ravishing brunette who loves football doesn’t sound like the perfect woman for just about any guy out there, there’s even more to her than that. She is a passionate woman that values family and honor. She works full time, yet finds the time to decorate the house for Christmas and make sure everything is perfect. So, why isn’t her husband idolizing her? Why doesn’t he make sure that she has every reason to stay at his side? Why isn’t he not constantly fueling her passion and ensuring that her presence is always appreciated, her heart is always filled with love and that her body is desired exponentially. I don’t know the answer except to just say that some men are plain stupid.

Like any man who has spent more than five minutes with Cynthia, I wish I could brag that I was her boyfriend or lover at one time. Unfortunately I can’t, but I have gotten to share in some wonderful conversation with her about football, life and love, however. After learning the scant details of her experience in an extramarital relationship, I asked her to elaborate on it, sensing that her story was one to which many people can relate. I was right. Here are Cynthia’s words:

“I've been married for over 30 years, which seems like forever. I never in a million years thought I was capable of having a relationship outside my marriage. It's not that my marriage is awful. It's just not great in the area where it matters the most to me in this stage of my life. For years it was all about making a good home for my family. I raised my children and willingly sacrificed the small things to give them a happy environment. So, now my children are grown. This should be the time my husband and I reconnect, but how do you get that passion back that has long since been gone. It's not that I don't love him. He's my husband and a wonderful father to my sons, but the awful truth is I don't have a desire to make love to him anymore.

So I found myself one day surfing the web and came across a personal website that had ads listed by married people. I had no idea what I was doing, but I decided to create profiles just to see what might happen. Deep down I told myself I would never go through with meeting anyone. I just wanted to feel desired and wanted by someone again. I wanted a man to lust after me.

I was blown away by the responses I received. It took several months before I finally considered meeting someone in person. It was only after countless emails, instant messages and phone calls that I felt comfortable in doing so. I had only been with two men before, and one is my husband. The other was before my marriage. To say I was nervous is an understatement. We planned to meet for a drink and go to a hotel afterwards. By the time I met him I knew I wanted him. The drink was preliminary. I would have gone straight to the hotel.

We continued to see one another for about six months. It was a wild and crazy ride. Between our times together the anticipation would grow. We couldn't wait to be in each other’s arms. It was the most exciting time of my life. I have no regrets. Unfortunately it did have to come to an end as he told me that his wife was beginning to grow suspicious, forcing him to discontinue our relationship.”

I asked Cynthia what it was about her lover that attracted her to him, considering the huge response she received to her ad.

“I think it was his persistency. He wanted me so badly. He would constantly tell me what he wanted to do to me and he got me so hot and bothered. When we met for lunch for the first time he walked me back to my car and kissed me like I hadn't been kissed in years. I was blown away. We got in his car and made out like two teenagers. If we had not been in a public parking lot I'm not sure what might have happened. When we finally met and made love for the first time it was good but it really didn't get great until I overcame my nervousness. By the third meeting we were getting really comfortable with each other.”

In my conversation with her, Cynthia made the most interesting comment: “I can accept my husband taking me for granted, but I can't accept my lover doing the same.” When I pressed her on this, she explained to me that after several months of not hearing from her former lover, he contacted her one day, informing her that coast was now clear again and he wanted to renew their relationship. Cynthia went on to explain:

“We have met several times. At first it was like we were never separated. It was very intense. Our last meeting was Friday before Thanksgiving week. The intensity was not there. I told him later that I felt like he was going through the motions and the excitement between us is gone. He denied it and told me he loved being with me. That prompted my statement about my lover taking me for granted. I told him it might be a good idea to take a break. That was code for I think we had something special for a while but it's over. “

In conclusion, Cynthia said that she is ready to turn the page on a new chapter in her life. “I want that excitement again,” she says with a girlish grin.

Although Cynthia found the comfort, passion and love that she desired in the arms of another man, she has no illusions of ever leaving her husband. “The question of leaving my husband is a non-issue,” she says. “I have thought about what I would do if presented with such a dilemma. I can't and won't leave my husband under any circumstances. Not even if I'm happy beyond my wildest dreams with someone else. I just can't hurt my family for my own happiness.”

This is part of the irony for many people in Cynthia’s situation. She and many others just like her lead a double life, one composed of both acts of unfaithfulness on one hand, and an unwavering devotion to preserve the family unit and structure. This paradox centered around the preservation of the family legacy and name heralds back to the most ancient of times and was even considered customary for families of title for centuries.

I don’t know if Cynthia has found next oasis of passion and shelter within the arms of another man yet, but if you happen to overhear a lovely brunette playing Monday morning quarterback at your local sports bar, it might be Cynthia. If you’re interested in meeting her, bring your A game.

This story is from my book, "The Tangled Web We Weave" by Ryan Bradley, available on
ryanbradley ryanbradley
46-50, M
Feb 27, 2013