Is There Ever "No Reason" For Cheating?

Just curious... having never cheated myself.  Is it usually cause and effect (she won't have sex and he wants to so he goes somewhere else, or he wants to break up with her but doesn't want to do it himself so he cheats, or something...) or does it really ever "just happen"?
Chanteuse1984 Chanteuse1984
26-30, F
27 Responses Jun 18, 2007

For me, the reason isn't in my current relationship, which is fabulous. From the moment we met, I knew he's my soulmate and the father of my future children.

But then there's my lover. I don't know how it happened. I fell for his love for me. I let myself be seduced. My self esteem is great and I didn't know I needed this attention. I just know I love them both.


What I'm trying to say is that the reason doesn't have to lie in the relationship or in the cheated upon partner. So if you're asking this because someone cheated on you, it might really not be your fault. Talk to your partner. Be open, help them try to explain what happened. You'll both grow.

Good luck!

I cheated on my bf due to him flirting with other girls behind my back ( I never caught him being intimate with anyone) I can't trust him now because he won't let me look at his phone anymore but I can't get myself to leave him because we're so close when it comes to our friendship. I guess we'll just have to hide things until we're ready to be truly exclusive but I'm scared that he'll find out about the other guy & leave me (because I actually had sex with this guy)

I think that everyone cheats for a different reason. People who claim it just happened I don't think really were invested in their relationship. If you are invested in a relationship cheating isn't a single event its a series of events that eventually end in cheating. At any point in that series the would be cheater has the ability to stop it in its tracks

I believe there's always a reason for everything we do. The thing is that we are often unaware of what that reason is, so we claim "no reason". (And yes, I think there are reasons for that lack of awareness too...)

sometimes there is no reason accept for the person cheating is screwed up on the inside from what could be any number of things. some people jsut cannot stop, they crave it. Anyone can cheat and everyone gets tempted. It is about fighting that temptation. We as a society have made it almost okay to cheat now. Its so stupid. Cause it really is never okay. People can try and justify it anyway they want. It is not ok. I did it once for revenge. I will never do it again.

I agree with lack of attention. I have cheated once. Almost did it again. Came VERY close. Still wish it would have happened but it probably never will with him. I have tried to tell my husband what I need. But he either does not get it or don't care. Are all men like that? I am starting to wonder.

I have the same issue at home...

There can be no reason. In my story in the I hate myself group, I outlined what happened with me. I don't expect anyone to believe me, nor do I care. (I still hate myself whether you do or not). But I literally only remember bits and pieces of it (I wasn't under the influence of anything). It's like I was almost totally blank the entire time. One moment, I'm watching a movie, and the next i'm laying on my bed wondering what just happened, but slowly realizing it. So yes, there is sometimes no reason for cheating.

Cheating shouldn't even exist as an issue. People shouldn't own people.

It has nothing to do with owning anyone, it is about trust amd honesty.

Sometimes when you try to do the right thing and keep a family together, you live a lie. If you loved someone else from the beginning of the relationship that brought your children into the world, do you stay with the father of your children or do you follow your heart and be with your soul mate?<br />
You stay for your family and cheat on the side. Gonna get caught someday.

On another website similar to this one where people tell stories and ask questions, a young and foolish girl claimed she was in the perfect relationship with a young man who was very good to her and respected her. She claimed her boyfriend "treats her like a princess." But she claimed her actions were "in the moment," and she has no feelings for this other man. Her actions were a pure act of impulse. Her reason is no reason as far as I am concerned.<br />
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Another girl was engaged and she cheated on her fiance with a man at work. This other man seduced her and she allowed herself to be seduced. And what is worse is that the other man only used her for sex. The only reason that she cheated is because she was under the other man's spell.<br />
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Girls like the girls I speak of who act on an impulse with supposedly no problems or anything missing in their relationships are the ones I am afraid of. Hence my screen name. I hope not all girls are like the ones I speak of. I hope I meet a girl who is strong minded enough to stop herself from destroying her relationship and to not allow herself to be seduced.

I think many people have many different "reasons" for cheating, and not all are attributable to lust or horniness or revenge. Some people feel a compulsion to cheat, some people have difficulties and issues with fulfillment, some do it for thrill, some do it because they need variety often, and do not know how to present that to their main partner without feeling rejected or without being hurtful. I think that has been my problem, mostly, for those times when I've cheated on my partner. I have fulfillment issues, and nothing about my cheating was in any way malicious or revengeful or even related to horniness, it was a craving for other humans and different human experiences, connections. And it is hard to present that to your partner, because, understandably, they arent always understanding. It has been a compulsion, one that I havent had the strength to battle in the past, but hope to work on in current and future relationships. And that is not at all an excuse - on my moral calculus, I know that cheating is "wrong" to general society, and the dishonesty aspect of it is "wrong" to me, but I'm imperfect, and do wrong ****. My goal is to be wary and exercise control, not to make myself feel like a horrible person for my faults and vices.

Why not be in a polyamorous relationship? That way you won't hurt anyone.

Sometimes it does just happen. I mean you know what you are doing everything but it's not like you said hey tonight I am going to go out and screw someone other than my spouse. At least I didn't. I met up with a friend from years ago. We went out a few times and it led up to sex. I could of backed away or ended it but I didn't. Now I have to live with that. I was cheated on by a boyfriend and I know how it feels but it didn't stop me. I didn't do it to hurt my husband either even though if he was to find out that is what will happen. I did it because I was lonely and found someone to help me out.

But you did exactly what you said wouldn't happen. Cheating is a choice, You can choose to cheat or not. Did he just happen to trip and land on top of you? You planned it, you made it happen. It was a choice. Not saying it was wrong but it didn;t "just happen".

for me i cheated because i was feeling ****** about myself and someone else was making me feel like i was important and funny....my girlfriend at the time was not giving me the attention i pathetically needed...i am usually not the needy type but i had just almost died and was very vulnerable....cheating is pathetic...there is never a reason other than selfishness, cowardice, or some other pathetic reason...it is only the cheaters fault...

I'm the kinda person who would rather end the relationship/marriage before I would cheat. I've been cheated on in the past and it's a horrible thing to do to someone.

I don't mean for a week or so. I'm talking about starved for attention for years on end. The marrige gets dull or you just drift apart. Basically the relationship isn't a relationship anymore, but the marriage continues.<br />
These are the most likely to cheat. I think.

If I needed attention and wasn't getting it from my fiance, I have my friends. I've known most of them for years and they're always willing to boost my ego if need by. Plus they cheer me up too. I love my friends!

I think most people cheat because the relationship is lacking. Alot of women out there a simply starved for attention and men to for that matter. If your partner doesn't give you the attention you need, and someone else does. Then look out.<br />
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I know men who will use this to there advantage also.<br />
I imagine women also use this to seduce some poor husband into bed. <br />
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I need some attention myself but I'm not married.<br />
So there would be no thrill for you thrill seeking cheaters. Well maybe there would be at that. lol

I think sometimes cheating does just happen. But I also think sometimes, it's a *** for tat thing ie if one of you has cheated, the other cheats to get back at him/her.

At the end of the day, a human being is not entirely an animal. I don't see squirrels on talk shows talking about thier depression or sex addiction. there is something a little higher developed in us, it is called empathy. Use it.

brilliant response.

Some good points have been made here. I dont beat myself up (at least not anymore). I have just learned a valueable lesson and yes sometimes very much hope that hearing my story makes at least one person pause and think before they choose to cross that line.<br />
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Well...one can hope can't they?...{smile}

Flossy hit the nail on the head...We are animals!! survival of the species...men are as basic as it gets, if we didn't have thumbs, we'd be running around out in the woods stick our think in every knothole we could find.<br />
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cheating doesn't just happen, there are several reasons why one cheats and unfortunately there is never a meaningless relation. We carry that burden from the moment that relation started for eternity. I choose to cheat..there fore i choose to carry that burden, Healthy or Not.

people cheat for so many reasons but i guess the best reason would e..theyre horny!

Fair enough...along with the freedom to act comes the freedom to regret or admit error. No one can tell us how to feel about something until we have ourselves experienced it. <br />
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If experiences bring guilt and self-loathing, abandon them...there's nothing worse than bringing pain upon oneself that can be prevented. All we have ever said from the beginning, I believe, is that it's important more than anything else to be true to oneself.

There is always a reason....not really sure if any are better than any other. Been there...got the t-shirt...now gonna rip it up and burn it. <br />
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The painful ripples it caused in my life as well as many others is quite enough to prevent any reason seeming reasonable to me...<br />
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Not judgemental...or telling anyone else how they "should feel" just how I feel about me and my own life is all.

Well, way to keep it real

It can just happen for no reason. If you are a woman who is in a happy relationship, and the celebrity you are most attracted to walked up to you and asked for an hour of meaningless but fulfilling sex, after which he would never call or bother you again, you might very well do it. One can never say how they would act in every situation, especially if they have not been in it.

In my opinion cheating is never something that "just happens", I mean really "Oops, I just fell onto her lips, and then we were kissing!" isn't exactly a plausible story. But its not always because of the reasons you listed. People do cheat when they don't intentionally go out to find someone to cheat with, but that doesn't mean that it "just happened" either.