Infidelity Doesn't Just HappenContrary to what some people claim, infidelity doesn't just happen. It requires participation and a desire to carry it out.
The first time I cheated I didn't start out to cheat but was also very aware of what I was doing. Nearly 15 years ago after having been married for two years I went out with some friends (both married and single) for an evening meal. We went to a nice restaurant and enjoyed some great conversation over a meal and wine. Afterwards the group went different ways, home and to nearby club to dance.
The group that was going dancing was going in my direction of my home so I went with them, we reached the club and they teased me saying that the night was young and that I should come in for just a bit. I made a choice to stay, the peer pressure helped but in all honesty I wanted to go with them.
For the next several hours we danced like girlfriends often will and chatted some more. There were several men that looked our way and at me in particular. A couple times while dancing men would come and try to cut in with me, but one of my girlfriends in particular would step in by saying, "dance with me, I'm single she's not." I would just smile at them and keep dancing.
Off the dance floor I continued to get looks from one individual in particular, so much so that my girlfriends noticed and commented to me about it. On my way to the bathroom which took me right by him he stopped me and we talked for just a bit. He asked if he could buy me a drink to which I responded by flashing my ring hand. His response startled me, "A ring isn't a plug." I dropped the conversation, used the bathroom, and very quickly returned to the safety of my friends circle.
We next left the club and at the corner I parted ways with my friends but instead of going home circled the block and went right back into the club (a clear choice on my part). I wasn't thinking of cheating but rather was intrigued by this man. He saw me enter and immediately waved me over which I ignored and went to sit across the room near some other men. My return was noticed and without my friends to intervene my interactions and conversations started lasting much longer.
He finally came over and asked me to dance which I accepted. I won't lie he smelled good and I liked the feel of his hands on me. We danced and made small talk for quite some time before he said he was going outside for a smoke. I just followed him, doesn't just happen
In the parking lot while he smoked and we talked more he made the first move. I was sitting on the trunk of his car and he kissed me for he first time, a nice kiss. Pulling away he opened the door to the back seat and just made a gesture with his hand suggesting I get in. Without a word or second thought into the back seat I went, doesn't just happen.
For quite sometime we engaged in heavy petting and passionate kissing. We were both turned on and things had progressed to that point. We stopped for just a moment and rearranged our clothing, his pants coming down with my skirt pulling up. This doesn't just happen.
What happened next is slightly comical and again shows there are numerous points where things can be stopped. Instead of hitting my vagina he slipped between the seat and my butt, as I was very wet and the angle was such he thought he was in. For a moment I thought about letting it play out this way, but I made a conscious decision to stop him.
Informed he tried again but in our haste we hadn't bothered to remove my panties, nor did he now slow down to pull them aside. Instead he's only able to get a couple inches before the fabric is stopping him, making this a complete underwear ****. Once again I have a choice that could stop this or help it to go all the way. I stop him, and not trusting him to try a third time on his own I reach down, move my panties to the side, and pull him to where we needed to be.
Afterwards when I thought about it all I was somewhat surprised at how easy it had been. We like to think that there are hard lines and clear limits that stop this kind of stuff. Rather all that's an illusion, it only stops when you decide it does. Cheating doesn't just happen, you have to enable it.
Going out for dinner to start with was a choice, innocent but a choice. Going to the club with my single girlfriends was taking things to another level. Returning to the club, going outside, getting in the backseat were all deliberate actions that were only possible because I had enabled these actions by making decisions before that.
Finally even during the heated moments of the backseat there were still numerous opportunities to stop this. It's not like I had lost my ability to think or control myself, rather my responses were very calculated with a desired goal in mind. It didn't just happen, we didn't accidentally go to far, it wasn't meant to be.
So if you are going to cheat, at least own it.