Can't Resist Him

Let me start from the beginning. I started dating Dj when I was in grade 10. He was my first love, the one I lost my virginity too and the one I thought I was going to be with forever. I met his friend Phil and I was instantly attracted to him. We hung out at group get together and we added each other on msn and started talking a lot. We started going on webcam with each other and it turn into sexual stuff showing each others private parts, ************, etc and cybering. It was such a thrill. He was everything my boyfriend was not. Phil was adventurous, extremely good looking, funny and very open sexually while my boyfriend was uptight, serious and closeminded. Dj was completely clueless. The three of us went swimming together and when he turned around we touched each other. Dj never saw but it was little stuff like this that drove me crazy. I could absoulutley not resist this guy, even when my boyfriend was just metres away. One night at a group get together with our friends (Phil was there aswell) Phil went upstairs to use the bathroom and I went up the staircase a few minutes later and we made out. It was amazing, but afterwards I felt so guilty. A week later I confessed everything to Dj. Phil and Dj had a falling out and Dj stayed with me. Six months later he broke up with me.

It's 3 years since all that happened. Phil and I have always wanted to hook up but it just never worked out. He was either in a relationship and I was single or vice versa.

Now we hadn't done anything more that what I described early. Now he is in a relationship and so am I. We have both been with our significant others for about a year and a half but we still have this intense sexual chemistry and tension. He has told me he wants to cheat with mee, and I just can't help myself when it comes to him.  I love my boyfriend he treats me like a princess. He is closeminded sexually and will only do it in missionary. It drives me crazy and I've talked to him about wanting to try new stuff, but he really does not want it.

Phil tells me about his girlfriend. She is clingy and completely depends on him for every little thing. She picks fights with him over the tinest little thing. I have feelings for Phil. I have since that incident three years ago. Phil wants to have an affair with me, but he told me he just wants a one time thing because he loves his girlfriend. I don't know if I could handle a one time thing because I have feelings for him. It hurts because he says he only lusts for me, but loves her. I was upset at first but never told him how I feel. I dropped by his work and we went into his stockroom and made out and I sucked him off. I know it's wrong but I keep going back and we do stuff like that, not sex but touching, maturbating, etc. I feel bad because I love my boyfriend too but I know if I tell him, he will break up with me.
 

Maemi Maemi
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 15, 2009

Thanks for the advice pinkkennel. I'm just afraid to leave a sweet guy who loves me to wind up with nothing because Phil only wants a one time thing.

It seems like both you and Phil would rather not be with the people you are dating... Do you want to stay with your boyfriend? I know it's not easy to tell him, and it would be hypocritical of me (see my story...) to tell you to be truthful... But it seems like you'd rather be with Phil, even if your relationship seems to be mostly physical. But maybe that's what you want right now! And more power to you, sometimes that's what you need... But since Phil seems to be who you want, it seems fair to let your boyfriend go. <br />
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Even with how hard it might be at first, you have to be true to yourself.