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Do Cheaters Love? Ode to My Muse.

This has become a popular topic of late among my stories and friends, so here goes:

I think that you can love someone and cheat on them.  "Here we go again," they think.  Allow me to explain first.  That being said, I agree that not all cheaters love their spouse/partner, and many cheaters probably don't understand love at all.  But some can, and some do.

There are different kinds of love.  My love for my girlfriend...I don't think it's the same kind of love most people in healthy relationships have.  I honestly and truly love my girlfriend.  I care about her happiness.  But I do lie to her...about my happiness.  I know that she is much happier in our relationship than I am.  Normally, that would not be a problem for me.  I would just end it and move on. 

However, part of my character and who I am, is that I fall in love with ideals, and this girl is just that.  In a world where people are corrupt everywhere, she clings to hope and virtue and honesty with such tenacity I have never seen elsewhere.  She has a heart as big as the world, and every time I look in her eyes, I see it there...what it is to love, so deeply, so desperately, that it remakes the universe every time she breathes.  I decided long ago, when we first got together, that I would shatter the heavens and pull the stars out of the sky to preserve this...total innocence, this true love.  That look must stay in her eyes, because therein lies Eve before the fall, free of sin and evil...the bastion of human goodness.  Love that intense cannot be unrequited.

Surely, you say, this is an exaggeration.  I assure you, it is not.  She would never hurt a person.  She feels no wrath.  She does not lust.  She makes love and never has sex.  She does not know greed or envy.  She does not covet.  She forgives all people their sins and pardons their errors in judgment.  If humanity has an examplar, she is the one.  An angel would envy a soul so bright and pure as hers.

We argue all the time.  Not angry, hateful fights.  We fight about life, and people, and human nature.  She always takes the side of angels, while I advocate for the devil.  I love the discussions.  She knows my heart is darker than hers, but she still loves me in spite of it.  Maybe she's trying to save me, but I don't think so.  

She inspires me.  She believes in people, and that's why I do as well.  When I met her, I had almost abandoned all hope in humanity, but she opened my eyes to their potential.  While she seems to see more of human greatness than I do here on earth, I pursue the idea that we could all be better, greater...more like what she believes us to be.  I differ in the philosophy of it, though, because I feel it would come about if we freed ourselves to feel without restraint.  Different versions of the same story, but the world as I know and see it would not exist if not for her.

Why not, some might ask, break up with her and just be friends?  This would be impossible.  She is far too delicate, and I know that because she has told me that her world would end if we ever parted.  She never uses it as a threat, because if she did I would push her away...but in the silent moments when we are close, and honest, she tells me this.  It's not my excuse, it's a reason.

It goes far beyond this, however.  In the beginning, when I was pretending to care more for her than I did, I realized how happy this one, simple lie made her.  A relationship based on such a large lie, that of true love, you might argue, cannot survive.  But it has, because I have committed to the lie.  Not because it makes me happy.  God knows...often times I wish I could be free to act on my own.  No...it's because it makes her happy.  I am willing to live with this lie forever, because her happiness is more important to me than mine in this matter, and what other definition is there for love, but to put someone else before yourself? 

That is partially why I cheated when I did, because one night acting on my own enabled me to continue living this lie.  It is also partially why I could never tell her.  Not because the confession would shatter the relationship, because I'm not so sure that it would...no, because in confessing the cheating I would be admitting to the greater sin of living the lie of being as in  love with her as she is with me, and this would ruin her forever.  Why cheat at all, then?  Because I see the world differently than she does.  I don't use this to excuse my actions, I use it to explain them.  She acts on virtue; I act on passion.  The two together, we balance each other out.  To most people I must simply seem a terrible, awful person.  I just consider myself her polar opposite, and despite my disdain for blind faith in humanity, in her it is...perfect.  There is no other word for it.  I suppose it's like how Lucifer hates and loves God simultaneously...yes, that's exactly it.

It may not make much sense.  I don't love her the way she does me, so I lie to keep her happy, because I am in love with her soul, and her dreams, and her perfection.  I don't expect everyone to understand; maybe no one will.

This is not self-denial.  This is not rationalization.  This is pure love, not so much for the person, but for everything the person is.  I would die for her.  She means more to me than anyone could ever understand.  I don't believe in her view of the world, but I would fight to my last breath to preserve her dream of the way the world could be.  I didn't want to be with her forever, but she wants it, and for her I will do it.  I am not like her, but her world is more perfect than mine, and I believe in her.

That is an ideal.  That is what I love...that is the only way I know how to love.  And she is the one I love.  There could never be another, and I will lie to our deathbed to preserve it.

flirtswithdisaster flirtswithdisaster 26-30, M 47 Responses Aug 26, 2007

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Beautifully written. Justification of reasoning, selfish.

I think you are doing her a greater dis-service by living this lie. I respect your feelings, and you have written so beautifully. But why deny her what she could have with someone else? Someone out there can love her like you never can , and by lying to her to "preserve her" is more disastrous. Three things cannot be long hidden, the sun the moon and the truth. What will you do when she finds out? Because she will. I guarantee it.

:') I think your story - your feelings are beautiful, and I believe I understand them.

You just made me cry... In my relationship I am,like you and he is like your girl... And you just explained something that I couldn't .. Thank you!!!

Understand completely where you are coming from

I love the way you poetically described it. Perhaps I don't agree with everything that you have said but I do understand you.

Love this! :)
You're awesome!

Your a sociopath aren't you?

Your comment made me smile

Ty. I enjoy having that ability.

i used to be like your girl...

and I married a man like you...

he cheated on me...

now, honestly, i question the reality of everything.

my world is a dark place full of shadows...

and the weird part is that in my world crumbling, his world settled a foundation...he is happier and i am less than before, but still as happy as is possible for me...

and now our balance makes sense.

the truth might hurt her, but it may be the best thing for her.

You are holding her back from a fufilling life with someone that will encompass integrity and advance her heart and soul. Your motives are selfish, regardless of all of your beautiful words desperatley advocating her happiness above your own. It is understandable that you would want to hold on to something so pure and lovely, but the your path to truly love her is one of ultimatum - you must let her go. Only in this way may she fufill what is rightfully hers. I believe that your own heart is not as dark as you apparently think, although it obviously contained darkness at the time of your writing this post. Differentiate between BEING dark and HAVING darkness - you are not damned to be the way that feel you are. Change is what we are here to embrace and become. Set both of yourselves free and go from there - courage is ALWAYS the path. Drop the pretense of 'knowing' what will happen; embrace the incredible and redeeming truth that you can never know; you are BOTH worth it. You have a chance to become the greatness that you see in this woman. You have the chance to accelerate your own growth and to foster hers. You have a chance. Do not waste it.

Sounds like a pervert to me, tsk :P.

Im in love with this story. Seriuosly, I love and envy how you express yourself. Im not very good expressing my feelings and english is not my first language so you can imagine;) I also think you can love and cheat, and you have proved nothing is as simple as it seems. I feel so related and, again, beautifully wirtten. Beautiful feelings. I just hope your grilfriend never finds out becouse it looks like she'd be devastated, just like my bf if he ever finds out... Thank you so much for such a wonderful piece of writing.

Two sociopaths have met their equal. Reciprocal mental ************ begins.

This is well done, well done. What about the guilt of lying to her? Major issue?

It's better that you don't tell her anyway. If it isn't happening all the time, and your love really is for her, then so be it. Happiness and love have many facets. Enjoy what you see.

what a beautifully written piece ,and of course you are entitled to your view of your love with this beutifully sounding person,it sounds romantic,poetic,dream inspiredand very very sad,. a very sad lie and love is never a lie..it is pure total acceptence unconditional..and for you and your girl friend to survive together the truth will have to come out..why ? the heart cannot lie , not for long, love does not wish to hurt,what you are doing is hurting..otherwise why not tell your girlfriend..becuase you know it will hurt her.you are bludgening the very thing you love in her her innocence her trust,her belief ..I feel sorry for her . If you love her as you say you do than be honest with her and let her at least keep her beliefs in human kind .Love is so much more than we can write or speak ,it is that silence that feels so full ,it is that glint in the eyes,that look that strips you naked ,it is the very core of all of us and it deserves nothing less than the truth.For you and for her I wish love and happiness in life.

"I don't believe in her view of the world, but I would fight to my last breath to preserve her dream of the way the world could be." - no you wouldn't. if you really did want this, you wouldn't cheat on her.



she is IN LOVE WITH YOU - imagine if (when) she finds out? what this will do to her? it will DESTROY HER.



no matter which way you slice it, you're a selfish **** head - you care about yourself more than you care about her. if you TRULEY cared about her, you would let her go so she could find a guy that TRUELY deserves her love.



swap this around - how would you feel if she was off ******* other guys?

I really like what you said, blehtolife even though this post is of ages ago.He thinks he is the only one able of cheating, he is selfish.People don`t cheat because they respect and value their partner enough to overcome all this.

Very well said indeed !

I do believe that cheaters realize what love is and they know they're not getting it. I have never cheated nor have I been technically cheated on. (we were not exclusive and it never got to that point.) I didn't want to have sex and he did, so he had sex with someone else and to be honest I really didn't care.

I think you're lacking something in your relationship with this good hearted woman and you really need to take a look at what is lacking before you make any kind of additional commitment to this woman, for both of your sakes.

Do not go through with something just because you feel pressured. It could lead to problems or a bitter, painful divorce down the road.

I think you are wrong in doing what you are doing. The cheating takes second place to the larger damage of false representation of love. I can relate to your post, and to many of those who commented. I am temporarily stuck in a sandwhich. On one side, a wife who loves me like your GF loves you (except I have told her I do not love her like I should). On the other side, i have a lover, a GF who is also unhappy in her marriage with whom I love deeply, yet who I think does not love me the same. What a horrible place I am at.

this is just a pervert trying to rationalize his actions.

nothing beautiful in this, for all you know he must have copied this from old classic. i know a man like this, when the girl sees though you, she will see just a pile of rotten rubbish, and thats exactly what you are.

when it is pure and if you really love, you dont cheat. if you are inclined to cheat, get someone who is okay with it. leave good minded people alone

this is just a pervert trying to rationalize his actions.

nothing beautiful in this, for all you know he must have copied this from old classic. i know a man like this, when the girl sees though you, she will see just a pile of rotten rubbish, and thats exactly what you are.

when it is pure and if you really love, you dont cheat. if you are inclined to cheat, get someone who is okay with it. leave good minded people alone

i think i could be the one you are talking about it sounds just like my situation so if it is not me than i still want you to listen to the side of your partner, this is what i am going through i am now crying because i know i have to let go i know your love for me is not real , yes it hurts but what hurts more is knowing your not happy with me, i am still around right now because you are sick and i will always be there for you but now i cant be around you because i know you dont love me , i deserve to be loved and i want to be loved again, yes i am depressed right now because yes i tried so hard to make you happy, you broke my heart, i will find love again please stay away from me , i want my heart back, i would never be like you i have seen the hate of man and it has hurt me deeply any one can see through a lie even though i didnknow exactly what it was but by you holding on to me is just killing me and it makes me want to die please dont ask me for help anymore i will leave you alone since i make you so missrable , i knew too that we wernt right for each other im not happy either how can you be happy when i see your so unhappy i can make someone else happy i know i can and no the world is not as bad as it is for you its where you place your self in life i am a kung fu teacher thats who i am and god holds my hand when im down you just walk away and keep your lies going hurt me? only the lies i could have had it so much easier if you told me this along time ago even when i tried to stay away you acted as if you were still unhappy so i thought it wasnt me that made you unhappy so i started coming around you again if this message is about me and your name is DJS than yes i will live and i will still be happy and god is still there for me hes there for you to my darling even though we are not together . Even though my heart is full of pain right now this pain will fade but if i stay with you i know that you dont love me will kill me, and just because i never cheated and i loved you more than i have any one in my life , im not blind i knew that you didnt want to be with me and thats why i can not be with you i want real love not a lie and i want a honest heart thats what i want is true love, please find your happiness and dont worrie for me any longer god has a plan for me as well

That was absolutely beautiful, intense but the most honest letter ive ever read. you made perfect sense to me because ive always battled my emotions towards my partner wondering why a man so perfect and loving could not satisfy me mentally but be so physically and emotionally attached at the same time. you described your lover like a man unconditionally in love, but the mind and body always crave for what we cant attain. i feel the same as a woman, my partner is everything, but i cant help but want more but no lose him.

I think you are just glorifying something very simple. Clearly she is just a better person than you, romanticizing an evil act towards a beautiful, kind person is just a way to make yourself feel less guilty. Ultimately you don't want her to know you cheat, because you don't want her to realize that you do not deserve her. Once you clear away all the curtains and cobwebs you've hung in front of your eyes of beautifully spun words and ideas, it's clear as day that you are being a coward and acting selfishly. While you may be able to intellectually and emotionally understand the love, you are unable to act with that knowledge. I guess it can be summed up in this quote "you can talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk." There is nothing beautiful about hurting something innocent.

i feel sad.. for you and for your girl. what a well written ode. a tragedy waiting to happen. but still written in such a way that reduced me to tears. goodluck.

WELL SAID

beautiful, well written as if a human who fall for an angel

KatherinePiper, whose post are you commenting on?

You are a sad person. I would tell You to see a mental profesional to help You, but You are too proud and arrogant to listen to anyone saying anything opposite to what You believe anyway. If You don't get deeply kicked in the ***, You will never change. You will die bitter and lonely. For She doesn't love YOU, She loves the naive illusion that You have created. SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. She doesn't know who You are. She's just stupid and You are mentally ************ Yourself with the though that She "loves You". Deep inside You there is a part that knows how wounded You really are, how many defense mechanism, intellectualizations Your mind needs to use to hide Your inner helplessness, Your fear of the world, hidden behind a macho-alpha-male bullshit.



But deep down inside You feel that no one can ever love You so much while fully knowing who You are. You feel that only a naive woman who has an overly goodly view of the world can love You and only if You hide the depths of Yourself, Your past, present and plans for the future that She can have this feeling for You. And You will die lonely, hiding in Your shell of arrogance, You will die knowing, that no one who ever REALLY knew who You really are loved You. No one. And these will be the last thoughts You will have when You die. If She (or some other naive woman) is so stupid that She'll still be there by Your bed when You are dying, You will be looking in Her eyes, see the love towards a person that is NOT YOU and You will see that She doesn't see You. You will die lonely never ever knowing how it feels like to be loved fully with every single particle of Yourself. You will live in fear and loneliness. If You dive deep into Yourself, You will know it's true. I'm sorry for You, that woman and all the other naive women who will come accross You or any other such a person. Cause You are going to waste Her only life in a world of lies that You believe will bring Her the most happiness.



But You are not going to see any of it, cause You are so deep into Your mental ************ of "dark worlds and angelic worlds" so deep in Your delusions and the stories You made up to hide the reality from Yourself, that You will very bravely defend Your world view and excuses with very intelligently sounding words and a lot of people (especially those who share similar emotional issues to You) will cheer You up and tell You why You are so great and wonderful. Feed Your ego and hide behind Your "darkness" pretending it's not fear.

I read your story with much interest. I have mixed feelings. I commend you for being so insightful about yourself, your feelings, and your motivations. However, I think it would make more sense either to follow your girlfriend's example than to be satisfied that your "soul is darker than hers" or break up with her. While I understand that you have different ways of expressing love and passion, I simply do not think cheating is the answer.



I think that it is extremely disrespectful, *especially* in this case, when you have such a loyal, virtuous partner. My honest opinion is that you cannot keep up this charade forever.



There can be love in the absence of compatibility. That is where you are.



Shrouded in poetic language and loving words, there is a lot of unhappiness. It is an unhappiness that sustains and feeds itself. It is growing, and you won't withstand it forever. You shouldn't, in fact. The longer it goes on, the worse it will hurt you and ultimately her. Chances are she will find out one way or another.



I also think your girlfriend has seen and experienced more sadness than you are giving her credit for. Most people who are like that...do have a lot of sadness under the surface.



I really don't want to judge you or cut you down. But I really think it is disrespectful to your lady and that you should quit cheating. Being faithful to her is more than being faithful to her: it is being faithful to her wishes...to her very soul. Also if you don't stop, it's practically inevitable that you will be discovered.

you sound like a lyrical loser... you're not hanging on to her for her... you're doing it for you.. cheating is a selfish act and you're using words to manipulate your audience... You sound arrogant and I really hope that your prose isn't convincing anyone, including yourself, that you're not in the wrong... her world wont end without you... it will just change... and it sounds like it will change for the better...



I searched "I cheated on my boyfriend" in google because I did.. and I told him about it because of my actions, I have caused a great deal of pain for not only him but myself as well... I have lost a chunk of myself and don't know how to forgive myself or if I even should... I came across his forum to learn from other people's experiences and I came across your posting... and I call total bullshit...



These forums should be a place where people don't have to hide... you don't know me.. and I don't know you.. so why not just write? Write what you feel... straight from the heart... real... not PROSE!! who are you trying to impress?? I have my own issues to deal with so perhaps I shouldn't concern myself with yours.. but I'm doing what I can to be real... and help myself understand and you're up there defending your actions with what ARE excuses... simply writing that your reasons aren't excuses doesn't excuse them from being just that... stop living a lie... it's absurd.. and UNBELIEVABLY selfish of you not to let her go just because she will hurt because not only will she hurt but she will grow... and she will learn... and to be honest.. she sounds like she could use a little growth and truth! Man up and quit hiding behind this high brow well versed *******... simple!