I am having an affair with an extremely amazing lover. He gives me everything I want sexually. I'm very submissive and he's dominate. Just being in the same room with him gets me excited. The thing is, I'm married to another man. The man I'm married to can be abusive...but only when he's upset. He's not controlling or dominating though. When it comes to sex, it's very boring. He only wants to do it missionary style, and that's once a month if I'm lucky. When I met the man I'm having an affair with I was separated. So now my lover is trying to demand I only have sex with him. Ironically enough he's now in a relationship too. So I see it as a double standard. I don't love the man, but I do love pleasing him. I love the sex and the way he makes me feel.
HiddenSecrets1 HiddenSecrets1
26-30, F
9 Responses Aug 16, 2014

add me too plsss!!!

I had my first extra marital experience when I was your age, I had been alone in an apartment I set up the week after I was married. My husband had been gone, for over a year from the day we were married. I had just watched him get shoved into a helicopter and sent to the west coast two days before and again his CO and XO came to me with that hangdog look, apologizing that again due to the needs of the navy my husband was not getting leave or R and R. and he had t be sent as a replacement for a man caught smoking pot. In my husbands rate, and his ship there was Zero tolerance for this. The next night a shipmate of my husbands and his wife said I needed to get out and have some fun, jus because my husband had to be sent back out to sea again did not mean I had to be left out of life, The wife of my husbands shipmate introduced me to her brother who was in the air force there, I was so lonely I ended up taking him home that night, He lived with me the next eight months before he transferred to Italy. I thought he was going to take me with him if I was going to divorce my absentee husband, I found out latter that the reason that my husband was not getting leave after that or time off the boats was that the command had noticed I had another man in my life. They decided to avoid what could have been a bad interservic problem by keeping my husband at sea or in schools any where but where I was, they cut any communication with his family or me off, even ordered his brother to keep quiet.
After he came home things did not get better, His father and the community wanted him t be more responsible to everyone, before himself, promises made. all of them broken to my husband. 31 years with only six days off al around when he had a brain tumor removed n 2001, then the defiance, the battles that happened to get him to cooperate, more promises made and broken, armed force was being used to get him to do as he was told. and I did not stay lonely through any of it. My husband was lonely, he was tired, several times so sick he could hardly move, but still went to work his 12 hour shifts.
Now the affairs don't matter, he nearly died several time the last four years, promises are now not acceptable to him, As for his wanting me to be a wife, two years ago he refused to negotiate, wait, or accept a new promise that he was going to get some semblance of the life he expected 31 years before, he took what he felt was owed three weeks before my 49th birthday, there was an attempt to negotiate that night I was supposed to go to a political fund raiser with his fathers best friend, My husband had been in a stress center to get over his anger issues after he discovered my latest affair. It was while he was in rehab recovering fro a MRSA infection in his spine, I had started one with an old boy friend, By just about killing him two weeks before my husband ended my time with him.
That's why the stress center, He came home to find me just getting ready to go. I told the truth it was a favor for his father and his best friend when my husband, decided I was not going to be in any way cooperative with any one else. My promises were going to be lived up to that night, he did not care about my responsibility to any other promise made. When I figured out my husbands intension was one I was going have sex with him that night weather or not I agreed. Two his father and his friends had nothing to say in his life again, I begged to have him pick a place to meet after the event I was to go to. I said we would get his father, mother and his fathers friend into the place and we would sit like reasonable people, talk everything through, set up a way to let him have what he wanted latter. I was told what he wanted, I was told what I owed for, and I was not given a chance to say no, since then its been his way, anything anyone else wants from my husband is met with a fight, nothing that is offered is acceptable except for what he decides is going to be the way it is, and he is willing to use violence to enforce his will, he takes reservations made for others, if I am to accompany, he says where I am invited he is now, he has broken his fathers jaw and he uses his cane as a weapon that devastates, bodies, he will not accept any time were I can go on a vacation without him its his way or the highway. I said on another sight of what nearly happened in a counciling session today, The doctor suggested my husband was being unfair in his stance about a cruise that leaves next month, it was called a family cruise but my husband was not invited, he forced his way into a berth by taking his fathers best friends reservation a third time, I called it financial terrorism when he would not allow me to loan the price of a berth. He took the reservation put it in our name for a doulble berth and told his father if he did not like it go ahead and have his heart attack he keeps saying my husband is driving him to.
I suggested today that my husband just let the original plans stand due to his fathers advanced age, I asked him to go and spend he ten days out on the range until I came home and then we could arrange something for him, The refusal was absolute He pointed out every other vacation I took without him on his dime the last thirty three years, he asked why he had to give in again, I said its just he should not be so driven about it he has not had one what is the hurry, he could wait.
We know he wont now, could care less what we want. he said if he stayed, when I returned home, that I would not be allowed in. he said you will find my Wedgwood sold. anything of value I treasured would be sold and when I few in there would be a cashiers check with what cloths I had left waiting with a bus ticket to as far away as I could go.
Again I am forced to accept his terms now, His father was on the monitor, just crying. asked if any ones feeling meant anything any more, Why does my husband have to have what he never had before this instant,
My husband sat there and said because I earned it, not your friend, not you, and my wife already took much of what I earned for herself. I earned what I am now stripping your right to say anything from you,
Legal pressure wont work, other family members going say that its a family cruise, not a family and friends cruise excluding some one in the family. And I am now to fearful to press the issue.
I think my husband hopes someone starts some thin. if they do there wont be mercy or Quarter given.
When he got the MRSA in his spine and the tumor in 2001, both were very serious. MRSA killed him twice the night he was on the table getting his spine fused, he does not fear anything any one can do now, he just will not back off now.
I have been trying to justify my actions over the decades. To figure out what is right, what is wrong, and think about what should I have done, all I knew is I was lonely, I had people telling me my husband was to be controlled, not allowed the life he wanted because it would cause to may other problems, and now I have a husband that could care less about my feelings, about any ones feelings other than what he expects now, I just don want anyone else hurt because they decided he was not going to be allowed his way.
If he had his way in 1987 he would have been free to seek a new wife, he had become tired of waiting for our marriage and sex, but he was restrained by a guardianship the state issued the day after his return. I told his father and others years ago hey did not know the force they were trying to control I was told then that he was just going to have to accept his roll in society and keep his trap shut, he does no yell, doesn't get loud, he sends his message by breaking bones, throwing people around or tearing them to pieces, with me its you have your rights just out of my house. other wise I am now to be just his stand behind silence.

wow , amazing story u really fcked up , u chilled with the wrong people and controlled your husband , I think what is doing revenge

Revenge is not going far enough, he wants a life denied for 33 years returned to him and he is willing to take payment in the form of our hurting he wants us to feel the pain we caused over that time. He wants us o go to work everyday but six over 31 years he want us to know what its like to work in coolant and oils in 125 degree heats every day for sixteen years with flames burning around us like he had to do twelve hours a day seven days a week for sixteen years and sixteen holidays, he wants us to fee the barrel of the shotgun shoving him into work every holiday for the last nine years before he retired, e wants us to feel the damage MRSA did to his spine in 2009, he wants us to feel what its like to not feel anything from the tops of our legs down and try and walk. I don't think the word revenge even comes close, if that is what he wanted he would simply kill us. He wants a return in pain.

woow yhea I agree with u with most of the stuff u said, do u love him?? I knows is hard , but u broke his heart , he worked his *** to provide for u , I think he blames himself for your affairs, he probably felt that he wasn't man enough for you , and he knew about his situation and you still accepted and I have to clap for u , u are an amazing woman but you have to understand what he felt when he found out, personally I think if u really love him u should try your best otherwise just move on , u do your husband a favor and yourself.

He does not blame himself, the only thing he says he did wrong was his first morning home after his discharge, was he did not come home and plant his his foot in his fathers rear, Walk into the room I was in and rape me, and she next 25 years telling everyone that tried interfering with what he wanted out of life, to go to hell then sending them there, Since 2001 that is preciclly what he has started doing, sending us to hell, This morning the investigators called me and told me just how man people had interfered in his life over thirty three years they also said that in one way or another my husband has returned the interference, either by direct action putting them in hospitals several are now serving time for dealing in drugs, three are in jail for stealing tools and equipment, he kept track of every time he noticed it. from the corporation for whom he worked for, Several he got fired for his being forced to work when they refused to come in on holidays and overtime when he turned them down and passed it down to lower seniority.
His father says my husband never learned to lose with grace, he should just understand he lost in his life and not take it out on those that played the game of life better for themselves.
The thing is it was not a game, losing gracefully in my husbands opinion removed his right to say anything, made him a slave, and the resentment to that turned in to a terrible rebellion.
So since we removed his freedoms, he intends to remove ours, until this last year I never realized how much freedom could mean to a man. How much resentment, removal of that freedom could be created, and how hard the response could be for everyone take. The last two years have been living with the removal of my freedom, I cry about how he took his rights as a husband two years, about how he took he right of my choosing the time place and circumstance of allowing our sex life to start, He took that right from me, just like we took his right of deciding the time place and circumstance of his working when he did not have to.
I would have thought he would understand what he is doing to us as just as wrong as what we did to him, I think its something he wants to show us how it feels to be held powerless in our life.
As I said, things were never meant to get to this point. its just when people would come t me and beg, me to get my husband to help them out by working in their place so they could attend a family function, community roll, or deal with a family need, it just seemed it was the right thing to do. I just lost the thought my husband had needs of his own, now he cares less about our needs.

u never answered my question do u love him truly ?? u are grown *** woman u should've never listen to those people in the first place , but we all make mistakes what u going through right now is called karma , u have to be strong and make a decision.

At one time I loved him so much it hurt when he had to obey his orders and I had to watch him cross to another boat and go back to sea I felt it was so unfair .Then my display of bi polar mania, my being sent home to my mother and then on to his father six months before my husbands discharge. Making friend in that six months and seeing the fear of my husbands return of his disrupting lives with his seniority. Then 16 years latter seeing just how far my husband was willing to go in taking his rights, even though he was attacked first by four men his response was devastating, coldly calculated, to inflict harm in his response, and I have seen that face of granite many times since, always ending with someone with broken bones and hurt very badly. Most recently with his fathers neck being broken 3 weeks ago when h thought just a baseball bat was enough to force my husband to give his berth up and go home, even crippled my husbands training kicked in, he hit his father with an uppercut that broke his neck. We always forget my husband earned a 3rd dan black belt he was trained in air assault and air born systems, as well as qualifying submarines and missile control center supervisor and nuclear weapons security guard, so he adapts, overcomes and does not surrender. he would only invite somebody to kill him first, I will say I still admire my husbands determination, I just wish that negotiation was possible, I still hold out the hope for peace, but now I don't see a way.

3 More Responses


I want to be the next guy!!

Tell your lover that you are only having sex with him and then **** whoever you want. I would say that's pretty much what you're doing to your husband.

My wife had a boyfriend who demanded that she be faithful to him.For about a month she was,not allowing me any sex,although I was allowed to watch.
It never lasted,because she caught him with another woman.Now she's back doing what she does best.(playing the field) with my approval.

So your wife's BF demand she only be faithful to him, and your were ok with that arrangement ! ?
Do you not play the field ?

If I tried to play the field now there might be bodies discovered in a hundred years as bleached white bone chewed on by cyotees and vultures. My body might be one of them. Right now I am praying I will not be taken to the bus station in Laramie and put on the first bus to nowhere.
After my husband decided I was no longer going to let other men have what I should have been letting him have he did not hesitate an instant in his decision top rape me, he had already done so much damage to my AP. It was a terrible thing to witness and the truth is I am tired of watching people try and dominate my husband and they find themselves reduced to bleeding broken piles of crying human. So scared of my husband after he gets done with them I have known men that tangled with him to pee their pants at the mention of him, the last AP I had came to apologize for his primary assault that the mere sight of my husband started him crying, he was shaking so bad everyone thought he was having a seizure.
Not even his own father escaped his anger, He is laying in a rehab center paralyzed from the chest down after his son, my husband decided that his interference in our marriage was done. On a vacation cruise my husband was not invited on his father thought he was going to teach his son what manners were six weeks ago. one blocked swing from a baseball bat by his father, and one uppercut delivered by my husband left his father laying in a hallway with a broken neck. at a hotel where we were waiting to board the cruise.
Domination is not in my husbands idea of life now and its become to dangerous to even attempt this. we have discovered even armed intimidation has earned every man that had used this against my husband since 2001 my husband has bidded his time until they thought themselves safe and he has badly hurt them for doing so, Heard about one of these men just mowing his yard when my husband stepped out from behind his shed as he passed, my husband stepped out an said remember when you thought it was cool to poke me in the ribs with that shotgun, my husband poked him in the ribs too. With his cane hard enough to break one whole ribcage. his wife found him out behind their shed beaten by my husband horribly then left to bleed for a while.
It does not matter how long ago it was my husband was intimidated or forced into something he had a right not to do, those that did it always eventually pay with their body's in some way, those that have gone to the police just get asked what did you do to start this, they know that somewhere in the past something was done to force my hu8sband into something somehow and they are probably named someplace in his or my journals. which are in the hands of the DA and police.
One of my husbands favorite movies is V. My husband would make the perfect roll model for trhis, He believes in vendetta and everyone hurts.

Not an easy position for you, hope that we will find a good way to keep it safe and enjoy them both, XXX

Demanding fidelity is a very Dom thing to do to a sub. Especially so if she's married to another man!

As the dom should

Sex is so important in a relationship and experimenting lots of positions too but you have to like the person you're having it with - a lot!

How are you getting on here?