Winning Or Loosing The Debate.
It's pretty sad. In order to write another experience, I need to go through all the others so I don't repeat myself. I've noticed, that particular issue is very important to me. I don't want to convey the attitude that my life revolves around remembering the incident(s) or that I'm driven to share these events hoping my experiences will help another abuse victim. I bulk at trying to name reasons for writing down the abuse and sharing it in this type of a forum. (Looking at what I just wrote).... Heres an example. I'm talking to someone and then I sense the other person is listening only until I stop talking, at which point (he/she) steps up to the podium, clears the throat and proceeds to recite their expansive knowledge on the subject just to be able to render their professional advice and sell you their prescription. (Not too judgmental or cynical am I?) This "feeling" is all my doing and doesn't reflect anything the listener does or says. In other words, it's all based on my perception of them, and I never trust my perspective on anything let alone something that borders emotional or physiological know how. I've also noticed something about me I dont trust, or understand. In explaining an incident, I might contradict a previous story, or just plain have different facts. I might also have a totally different "take" on the incident as to the wisdom gained or moral concluded from the experience. It would simply shatter any self worth if I should not be believed, or thinking I might be lying. (Been there, done that. Parents, teachers, social workers, friends.) See this process going on here? It's totally counter productive and destructive. It has flawed logic and serves no other purpose than to justify crawling into a hole and decompose. There. With all that said, I've decided I dont want to tell a story right now. Honest. Im not kidding. Thats the Way The Cookie Crumbles!