My Mom

I guess I will start off with my mom. She was raised in a horribly abusive family, while this doesn't excuse her treatment of my sisters and I, but it does help me put it into a perspective, of sorts. During my childhood I can not remember a day that I did not get a "spanking." Spanking in our house was a code word for beating. I know that there had to have been some days when I did not, maybe when we were camping or something, but I am not able to remember any.

The hardest part of it was being forced to watch my sisters getting beat. Mom would use whatever was handy, a wooden spoon, a belt, a electrical cord, a peice of hose, the broom handle, even a boat oar. She sometimes would be more sadistic, instead of the macabre impulse, and make us get "the switch." This inevitably became an excuse to punish us more because we hadn't chosen anything more "adequate."

Child protective services were called a few times, but we were too afraid of our mom to tell them the truth. Once we had to go to counselling, and my mom made us lie there too. She cared more about looking well, than getting well. To be honest she still does.

I have a hard time trying to forgive her. We rarely talk. I think it is because she still contiues to be emotionally and mentally abusive, even though we stood up to her, when i was 15 or so, and stopped the physical abuse. She was beating my little sister with the handle of a broom and I was afraid she was going to break her back. My older sister and I stood up to her then, but the emotional abuse just got worse to compensate.

Thats all for now. Thanks for reading.
deleted deleted
26-30
3 Responses Aug 2, 2010

That is a very sad and horrible story. I'm so sorry you were treated so badly. My father was a victim of severe beatings and he carried on the cycle. I was verbally abused by my father and it completely took away my self-esteem. It led me to attempt suicide at age 15, 16 and 17. My mother would not leave him (she stayed in the marriage out of fear) even though she was being physically and emotionally abused too. I left the house as soon as I was legal, at 18. I struggle to this day (I'm 47) with the insecurities (especially never being good enough) and anger issues. Know that you are not alone and that many wish the best for you. <br />
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I found this book to be helpful in healing:<br />
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Adult children of abusive parents: A healing program for those who have been physically, sexually, or emotionally abused. By Steven Farmer<br />
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http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Abusive-Parents-Emotionally/dp/0345363884

It is devastatingly sad that a mother, of all people would do something like that. I am a mother and the mother child bond has to be the strongest most wonderful thing I have ever imagined. Your mom's ultimate punishment is not having that bliss. She really missed out.<br />
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On the other hand, I too was a child of abuse. My memories haunt me as yours probably do as well. You are not alone, dear stranger.

*hugs* I'm so sorry :(. Your mother should be locked up. I'm glad you are away from her though. I'm glad that you're seeing the abuse for what it was though, and for standing up for yourself and yours sisters (GREAT JOB! :D). You're very strong and very brave. I hope the abusive line will end with you *hugs tightly*.<br />
With Love,<br />
Aydasha