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Forgiven?

My parents were alcoholics, and I got the brunt of their frustrations, not just when they were drinking, but alot of the time. I always felt like the black sheep in the family, as they were mentally cruel to me, and only on a couple of occassions did my Mom hit me. It was at a birthday party for our neighbour's girl, who both my sister and I were friends with. Anyway, I got carried away, and got careless playing.. My mom chased me home and kicked me a couple of times in the gut, and I landed on the floor, crying and gasping for breath, then she sent me to my room, and went back to the party. That incident was long ago, but it still sticks out as an unresolved issue. I have been to shrinks, and it has helped, but I can't forget about it. I may have forgiven her, but it will be hard to forget.. in time I will be able to.
Jeanieb Jeanieb 41-45, F 12 Responses Dec 31, 2007

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It is so difficult to forgive one that has really hurt you, and there may be occasions when it is not always okay to forgive. If the abuse has been constant all of your life,such as my case by my sister and mother, be very cautious about forgiving them, this does not mean you have to "get even", but it would be very risky to trust them and maybe it IS best to avoid an abusive parent or other family member., unfortunately I found this the hard way with my sister and now deceased mother. After what my sister put me through makes me think that you have "love one another" and "forgive and forget" is just a bunch of Bull ****.

Check some of my stories, "No Refuge in My Own Home WTF and We were wrongly accused of not feeding our Son" to see where I am coming from.

One thing that helps me move on not forget is writting it out then crumbling the paper in the trash and leaving it. Or if ur not ready to deal with things write the topic of unresolved issues put them in a shoe box and put them on the top shelf of ur closet or drawer and take them out one by one when ur ready once u dealt with them crumble the paper throw it away or burn it saftly. Good luck.

Thank you for sharing your story. It was written so clearly and from the heart. I've always had a problem with the part about forgiving. People told me to but it didn't feel natural to me, I don't feel any desire for revenge I just don't feel forgiveness. Or maybe...I dunno maybe it's okay to hang on for peace. When I have peace about it, I will forgive. Peace sounds great :)

One "CAN" forgive the unrepentent. Once you've done your thing as forgiving your abuser, you've like broken off the emotional hold that they had on you & you can finally start your healing process to become "WHOLE" again. To forgive an abuser is very hard to do, but when you've done it, your heart will be alot lighter & God will help you heal if you ask b/c you can't do it alone.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I think Forgiveness is something that is freely given, but trust must be earned. It would be dumb to "forget" without building up trust first. You you forget, then you are only putting yourself into a place to be hurt again. By forgiving, we are loving the person-- sometimes it is best to love from a distance. Does that make sense?

This will effect you for the rest of ur life. If you attend regularly a group like Alanon or Adult children of alcoholics, which are both ba<x>sed on a successful12step program, you wll find others that have had similar experiences that you can share with, be built up and learn correct ways of dealing with your past experiences.

Its very unfortunate that you had TWO parents that were alcoholics. My dad was a major alcoholic & physically & emotionally abused me since I was a little kid to into my teens. I know what damage either the physical abuse can do, but WORDS are as deadly as WEAPONS & hurt & sting emotionally.<br />
Going to therapy is great & helps you talk out the bad feelings & gives you CONTROL, MASTER over the emotions that caused fear & guilt. As you grow older, the remeberence of that scenario fades with time alot. LIVE in the PRESENT--the past is PAST & GONE!!! Living in the past robs you of your future. Forgiving an abuser is very difficult to do & takes time to deal with it & forget a/b it. To have a grudge or anger over something in the past--as the bible says, it will cause your insides to rot if you keep bad things all pent up inside yourself. "GOD says that if we don't forgive our trangresssers, GOD will NOT FORGIVE OUR SINS" If you wanna talk, PM me.<br />
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God Bless, <br />
Jonathan

In my faith... the sinner must beg forgiveness from the one they have transgressed against.

I am a survivor of child abuse by my mother who is deceased. I watched her drink alcohol, smoke, and do drugs, and lose everything in the process. I wake up in the night crying for her and the pain that she had to go through. I love her unconditionally she was not the best mother, but she is my only mother and she had a good heart and lots of friends with bad habits. I remember when my mother whipped me with a stingy cord for about 20 minutes straight in the kitchen for coming home at about 4 am in the morning, I could had died. I learned how to forgive and forget, it took a lot of healing and self love. I LOVE MYSELF AND OTHER PEOPLE TODAY!!!!!!! GOD HAVE NOT BEEN FAIR TO ME BUT I STILL HAVE HEART, MAY GOD WATCH OVER SURVIVORS!!

do not now why or how others coudl treat children the way i was treated a system that give you more time for steling food thenfor hurt children is ll worng too me

i've had similar experiences with my mother, and i forgot for a long time, from about ten years i never thought too much about it. i thought i was too strong, and too good to think about her and the aweful things she did. i wasn't going to let her have the power. it's amazing of you to forgive them. something i can't seem to do. having my own children finally resurfaced those memories and now they are haunting me. i look at my child and wonder how could anyone do something like that to a child, such a sweet, innocent person. and you will never understand it. and some people will tell you that it was just the drugs. but you know better, because yes the neglect was the drugs, but not the hatered. the hatered is impossible to understand, and thats what hurts so much. dont try to understand it, or forget it, or in my oppinion even forgive such a horrible thing. i think the best thing you can do is to prove them wrong. whatever they thought about you, said to you, if they said you were worthless, stupid, or worse words that i can't put on here. you show them you are a good, loving, amazing person, and they couldn't stop that. if you're a mom, be an amazing mom, never let them bring that out in you. be very aware of it, because if you do forget, history may repeat itself. sorry... maybe i was really typing that more for me than you, but i still hope it helps.

Very insightful. I haven't forgotten or forgiven so much as just feel grateful that I am not them.

Everyone has memories in his mind, some is pain and other is good. i think if you have tried to treat this as a sort of life's experince , that would help you .you may say if you were your Mom you would not have kicked me ,that probably help you if in palce of your mom with your kids, what will you do in this situation?.

To forget something that happened like that is not a good thing in my opinion. You should remember because it allows you to never allow something like that to happen again, to you or someone you love and care about. I repressed my memories of abuse and I wish I hadn't. If I hadn't I could have put a stop to it and put my parents in jail, but I did, and I can't change that. So, if the memory ever comes up again, accept it and tell yourself that you will never allow anyone to harm you like that ever again. Maybe this advice helps, maybe it doesn't. I'm here for you regardless.

In reality you don't really FORGET the bad memories, they're just "not in your face" as years go by. Yes, many ppl will have the instinct "fight or flight" when it comes to you or someone close to you being harmed.

Yes, repressing the memories is not a good thing to do. It only harms the mind &amp; keeps pushing the memories back up to the surface to show you that it NEEDS to be resolved &amp; talked thru.