My Story.... (long)

I've already put this up on another place... but I'm posting it up again. Because It didn't show up my name and I want people to know the aftermath about getting Abused...

My mother was divorced when I started middle school. And even before then, both my mom and father would say oh I hate how you look like blah blah blah; oh I hate how fat you are blah blah blah… And if me or my brother spilled milk or didn't clean up after ourselves, My mom would go ballistic and grab us by our arms and drag us to this little small alter in the house. (It was in the center of the living room and place where we had dinner). She would make us pull our ears standing in front of it. But that is just if it isn't really bad… If we did something extremely bad… I don't remember what it was… I think it was leave a bunch of toys everywhere. That she would grab like a plastic sword from the pile of toys, a wooden back scratchier, or a feather duster made with wood, or what she could find… and start hitting it at who ever was there. I still remember how much my legs stung after she would do that. When my father would be home, He would always scold us. (My brother and I). If I did something bad that he didn't like. Examples: Fighting with brother, being loud and laughing too much, Biting nails, Picking nose (ok really this is true), and 'dishonoring' him. He once let our new puppy out just because I was picking scabs off of my arms. I was about… 5-8 at that time… I'm still lucky to be alive…

But now here comes the wonderful part of my life after we moved and I was having a hard time at school! I was trying hard at school but no. My parents that I was slacking off. So when I asked for help on homework one night and it was like… seven or eight o'clock and dinner was about to start… I made a mistake of asking for help from my father because he hasn't been home for a long time. He started screaming at me. Why I didn't do it until then. He kept yelling and pretty much decided that I was going to boarding school. I pretty much saw my mom and brother just standing there and watching me. My brother said that I should stay and my mom for once stood up for me…. She never did it again…

So now we come to the resent months after settling into a small two-bedroom apartment. My mother doesn't understand the meaning of privative. She would always barge into the room when I'm trying to change or something. Because we shared the same room I would have to go into the bathroom. BUT she would tell me that she has clothes in there and go in. Or I have to give it to her.
But if there is some homework or something that's hers on the ground, she flips out and starts yelling extremely hurtful things.
At times… she would take my stuff and I would take it away from her… The problem with that is that she would pretty much start hitting me so I would let go. I fight back trying to get what is mine…
I once ended up with burses all over my leg and hand… before school even started. My friend's mom was nice enough to let me stay over at her house once more because I slept over the night before.
I've tried reporting it to police officers when my mom had called them when she said I was running away. The police officers where stupid enough to think that abusing there child a little is ok….

I'm trying to deal with the long term effects… I had started cutting when I was 13, suffering from depression, and withdrew from my family just so I wouldn't get hurt….
Another note,
my father had tried emailing me for a while...
I told him what my feelings were truthfuly and he said it was 'mean' and he acts like he didn't do anything to abuse me... HAHA
Thats just like my mom....
xXvampschildXx xXvampschildXx
18-21, F
7 Responses Jan 4, 2008

im very sorry for you

I am sorry for you, but please never forget it's not your fault... you didn't choose those people to be your parents... Stay strong!

some parents are d*cks i dont like being a kid to bad parents its like your there play toys or whatever dolls these "brain dolls :(

i went through alot of similar things. parents beating you over something like homework or toys, back scratchers, bruches etc. getting cops called for running away when i never was. and everyone in my family acts like nothing ever happened. its so hard to be the only one who knows, the only one who will accept it. its a fight within yourself almost. the mental abuse, the cutting. im still trying to figure it out on my own, but perhaps atleast knowing there is someone who knows how you feel helps. and knowing without a doubt that everything happens for a reason. and that you can't choose your family, but you don't have to accept them into your life. it's your choice. i started my own family of friends and friend's families. it's nice. it's not exactly the same, but it's nice. stay strong, and if you need anything let me know. as to the cutting, or self harm. i used to do many forms of self harm as a release. release the mental pain through phsyical. and it can get you through some tough spots. but its also perpetuating the cycle, and if you can find a way to break it, you should. people like us live in extremes and a constant state of confusion. im not sure how i stopped. will power mostly. what's important is to make sure you don't trade one form of abuse for another. child abuse for self abuse, whatever that self abuse may be, whether it be cutting, starving, drinking etc. always keep yourself in check and honestly the very best advice i can give anyone is to get a hobby. something you put everything you have into. it helps. its not a cure all but it really helps if you stick with it. but i dont claim to be a know it all... so yea. i hope something i have said will help.

I'm confused, what happened with the puppy?

Hit by a car or ran away probably

You don't know me either, but it takes bravery to speak out in any form about abuse you personally have suffered. I commend you for it. I also have been abused. (see the story in this group- 'from innocent child to guardian angel' if you wish to know specifics) I, like you am a self harmer. I don't stop at cutting though. I also punch myself and burn myself. The main thing for me, as far as not self harming is concerned, is having an outlet for the frustration, helplessness, and anger I have inside. This story is a good start. Do you think you could keep a daily journal, or lean on a friend to be able to express yourself before the urge to cut gets too strong? I try this, and it helps me, though I don't always catch it in time. That part takes practice. Anyway, stay strong, and don't give up hope. Brighter days are around the corner.

You don't know me, but I saw your post . I thought it was amazing. If you'd like to check it out I too have a blog about abuse.