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Levels Of Abuse...

Aaaaaaaaaaaurgh! I am tired of hearing that there are "no levels to abuse" and that abuse is abuse!

Abuse may be abuse, but that does not mean that there are no levels of abuse! Murder is murder, but even murder has it's levels! When you kill a person on accident, I believe it is called man slaughter. When you kill a person on purpose,it is called homicide. When you kill a a group of people, it is call war or terrorism. When you kill a race, it is called genocide.

Even though it is all murder, everyone knows that genocide is worse then manslaughter...and that is only because they are different levels of the same thing.

It's the same with abuse! When you hear about a kid who had his finger nails pulled out by his father, and then hear about the kid who got backhanded a few times by his, and you say "Well abuse is abuse, lets treat them both the same." Then I have to say, you are foolish. Yet, I have seen it in so many stories & comments, that it makes me sick. Even hell has it's levels! People that think they understand, and think they are trying to make another feel better...They think that they can class all abuse together and say that there are no levels.

You can't treat it all the same...



Icansee Icansee 18-21, M 20 Responses Oct 14, 2010

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I agree with you, but what they mean is that all abuse is wrong. Whether you backhand a child or have sex with them, its all abuse. It's all wrong.

Thank you! I can't agree with you enough. A kid who was called a dumbass is not the same as a kid who was told they're worthless and should do the world a favor and drop dead. A kid who got fondled by a neighbor is not the same as a kid who lost their virginity to their own family member.

I think You are mostly correct. For instance, it would be plane to see that someone punching their wife is not as bad as a father beating his child into a coma. However, I believe that most of the time when someone points out that there are no levels of abuse, they are USUALLY trying to refer to the fact that no sort of abuse should be over looked just because it is a lesser issue. Also, it MIGHT refer to the idea that ever person has different experiences, and a person who has severe abuse deserves great attention, but so does the person who has suffered a lesser trial of abuse. This is just my thinking, however. and I don't believe that most people understand what it sounds like when they say things like that.

Thanks for the comment Hylie. You hit things right on the head. I am going to go to college soon too. :)

Late to the commenting here...yes, everyone's abuse story is unique, so there's no one-size-fits-all approach...<br />
The thing about PTSD (post-traumatic-stress-disorder) is that it happens where vulnerability to it and trauma intersect. <br />
It's physiological, it involves brain structural changes, and some people are more or less resistant to these changes, while others will develop symptoms with very little prodding due to physiologic vulnerability.<br />
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I've met people who were less abused than me and doing worse, people who were more abused and doing better...and soldiers who went to war. Some came back fine, others not so much.<br />
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Icansee...I read your story, and I'm horrified anybody could do that to a kid, and anybody else could allow it to happen...hanging's too good for your stepfather, and he's not worth a bullet.<br />
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You probably have a lot of healing and growing to do-abuse like that stunts your personality a lot.<br />
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You're a good writer...I hope you are looking in to college. It kinda bites to not have some education these days.<br />
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Best wishes on growing up, young man. Remember it's still not too late to have a good childhood. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it. Keep in touch if you like.<br />
- Hylie

God make you know that He is, that He cares, and that H eis a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. You have much torment & many questions, but God i sable to help you understand, forgive, & be free from torment. Ask Him.

So true Amelle.<br />
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And daindamage, I don't mind your rambling. It's good beause you understand.

I agree. I was molested when I was 11 by my stepfather. And everybody thinks it was not that big of deal because it only happened 6-7 times and it was just fondling. It took me until I reached forty to realize the impact it has had on my life.

Yes, it that is why I made this post. People carelessly say that abuse is abuse...lumping it all together. Not cool at all.<br />
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I mentioned nothing about downplaying anyones abuse, but I am gad you brought it up. Perhaps that is why it is also wrong...

I dont understand why you think it all gets lumped together. If the abuse is benign neglect, the child is simply removed from the situation. If its sexual or very violent, jail time is given... how is that lumping it together? In terms of therapy every case needs to be handled individually to help the individual deal with their reaction to their abuse. And let it be said that i was badly abused, sexually, phisically, and emotionally by multiple people, when i was a very young child. I would never downplay someones abuse because it wasnt as severe as mine. Thats heartless and rediculous. Abuse has levels, obviously, this is life not math, things are always different. But abuse is abuse and should be stopped. Its not like the police have a list of names with the severity of the abuse that they look over and decide who needs to be saved first.

I agree with your point of not grouping all abuse together, however the way a person reacts to the abuse can greatly vary. Everyone responds differently, some have been born with much better coping skills than others. People who know me as an adult are shocked when I share some of my childhood experiences with them, and feel I should be "really messed up". My sister and I shared the same abuse as children, but our perceptions of it are VERY different. My point is, it is very hard to catoragize severe abuse vs. minor abuse when it is really in the eye of the beholder, so to speak. It may take someone a lifetime to overcome abuse that others may look at as minor, while another may brush off something that horrifies the average person. Who decides what is severe abuse and what is not?

wow! You really articulated your point well here J, its amazing;)....Well said and absolutely true, you're right and its mind bogging that its all lumped together, so again, well written and Im in agreement..you know ...when I sit here quietly and think about what you went through, having read your stories and knowing you, I also think back to when I was at the mercy of a guy, tall and strong who lived with me for alost 2 years and during that time, whenever he hit me, I couldnt hit back and found I didnt want to hit, I never had hit anyone..., but I found I couldnt do it, so when he was irate,i just stood there while he hit me, and the many times I went to the freezer for ice, I cant count, and its no wonder, after icing my swollen face, god knows how many times, and my black and blue arms from all the times...he would grab me there so hard ...or..other things, I wonder, how can one quantify the results, or sum it up, its a horrible thing, and if you are unable to speak up as I couldnt talk for almost.....the entire...2 years, and when I see people who say they are afraid of..men, or sound to others who see it as whining or...rididulous they just never went through it, as for me, or even small children, I know what being with a person like that is, such as your step dad, and there just are no words to express what it is like when one is in the clutches of someone...and youre terrified o fthem...or maybe I shouldnt open and say al this but it's true. Ep was my saving grace when I came here...that's the real truth, if not for here, I only wanted to die being treatd by someone I loved so dearly at first.....so, I dont know what level to call it at all...

I didn't say it helped all...i said some people were helped by it. Also, by not putting levels on abuse, you deny the people who had I worst with the help they need. Abuse is like a sickness, in that you cannot treat them all the same. If you treat a person with leprosy the same as you treat a person with a common child...its easy to see that the guy with leprosy gets screwed.<br />
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What if doctors did not take priority of those who were injIured more? What if they treated all patients the same? There would be no ER. If you were mortally wounded, you would have to wait...perhaps even have to schedule an appointment.<br />
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Everything has a rating system because that is the way you make sure that those who need help get the help they need.<br />
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By not leveling abuse, you are doing the same as the bad hospital system I described. You CAN NOT treat all abuse the same. Period.

I don't think that it does help them. It only adds to their guilt because they feel weak for complaining that their dad only broke 3 bones, not 6. People who have been abused and that are still trapped in a guilty mindset don't typically say "hey, if that guy can do it, so can I". They are more likely to say " I'm stupid, worthless and a whiner for feeling abused. Why am I so stupid that I can't get over this?" <br />
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I'm not naive. I have seen people that have been horribly abused try to put it off by saying it wasn't that bad. They feel unworthy of help because for so long, that's what they were told and they finally started believing it.

You are kinda niave then. For some, the thought that others had it worst actually HELPS them. To see someone in a worse situation have strength allows gives them even more strength. They say to themselves, "Hey, if the that guy can do it...so can I."

I've seen so many victims say that their abuse is lesser than others and that they shouldn't be so worked up over what happened to them when others had it worse. So for that, I am kind of against labeling and leveling abuse.

No You cant' ....

All abuse is awful, but ofcourse some is just worse than others. Though what is bad to one is not always that terrible to another. Some people think your a bad parent for leaving a 12 year old on their own, and even go as far as calling it abuse. While other believe that is teaching independance and responsibility, all just matter of opinion. However, I think there is a point where is is not disputable how bad it is. Sexual, extreme violence and degradeation.

This is so true. In fact i had wanted to write a story on that. I know all abuse affects people but abuse is a big word. I no more think of myself as a victim. It was bad.. but i have good memories from childhood too. It won't be right to feel sorry 4ever

There are plenty of different levels of wrong...that's why you get put on house arrest for some crimes, and executed for others...