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I Survived,what Now?

After enduring what seemed to be 3 lifetimes of pain,it's been real hard to overcome certain compulsions that were ingrained into my personality along the way.I always tend to overthink things,primarily when it comes to being hurt.this has always caused problems between my wife and I.We've been married for 11 years now and i just now have started to feel safe enough to get closer to her and to open myself up.Sometimes I have to make myself shut upĀ  instead of driving her crazy with my feelings and insecurities.I don't know if i'm doing the right thing by doing that,sometimes I feel I'm not being honest.Will I ever feel like i'm"normal"?Or will there always be this constant longing to be understood?Please feel free to comment if any of this seems to be familiar.

deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jun 3, 2011

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working through all the physically and psycological trauma that remains well after the abuse is a long and on-going process. I know it seems all too much most of the time, but it can get better if you let it. <br />
I know on occasion, my fear of going out of my comfort zone mixed with feeling of not being worth something good has gotten the better of me and ruined very good relationships with very good friends. People tend to want to stick to what they're used to even if it's bad for them and that can make insecurities and bad feeling come to the surface and it takes a lot of self-assurance that what you have is good for you and what you had wasn't.<br />
I still have a tendency to push away people because I'm afraid that what has happened to me has damaged me too badly to be okay or normal, but I do get better at trying to give any relationship my all, despite my feelings that rush in and my insecurities that seem to hold me back.