I Am a Child Abuse Survivor
I was abused verbally, physically, sexually.
The main one being my dad, although it was my uncle who raped me first.
But my dad had continued access, and he used it.
My mom worked every night-well, five days a week, and...yeah.
So my experience is that the worst thing that can possibly happen...will. The people whom you love and trust will be the ones to harm you. That nothing and nowhere is safe. That horror happens.
I also got slapped by both parents. My dad would slap me, then slap me again if I cried. My mom expected me to cry to show remorse, but I didn't, so she would verbally abuse me, tell me I disgusted her and to get out of her sight. This at the same time Dad was using me at night. I dissociated, which is to say I forgot. But I also went insane, had voices in my head screaming at me, heard things. Could not get my mom to believe I was hearing things.
I was six, and then seven, and then eight when my maternal grandmother moved in, and thought it was weird that I slept in dad's bed every night. I think she suspected.
At any rate, I've put this tired little story up elsewhere around here and elsewhere....I get tired of reciting how I became destroyed inside. But destroyed I remain. Some people are more damaged with less, others less damaged with more.
Your mileage may vary.
But people who have never been deeply, profoundly unhappy...innocents. They alarm me. I alarm them. They don't understand that the world isn't fair, that good people get destroyed for no reason, that evil is random, implacable, and ubiquitous, that random chaos can destroy even the best-laid plans, that control is an illusion, that it's all meaningless.
On bad days this makes me feel wrong. I have a lot of bad days.
I'm hurting, and there's no fix often enough. I just have to hurt.
The main one being my dad, although it was my uncle who raped me first.
But my dad had continued access, and he used it.
My mom worked every night-well, five days a week, and...yeah.
So my experience is that the worst thing that can possibly happen...will. The people whom you love and trust will be the ones to harm you. That nothing and nowhere is safe. That horror happens.
I also got slapped by both parents. My dad would slap me, then slap me again if I cried. My mom expected me to cry to show remorse, but I didn't, so she would verbally abuse me, tell me I disgusted her and to get out of her sight. This at the same time Dad was using me at night. I dissociated, which is to say I forgot. But I also went insane, had voices in my head screaming at me, heard things. Could not get my mom to believe I was hearing things.
I was six, and then seven, and then eight when my maternal grandmother moved in, and thought it was weird that I slept in dad's bed every night. I think she suspected.
At any rate, I've put this tired little story up elsewhere around here and elsewhere....I get tired of reciting how I became destroyed inside. But destroyed I remain. Some people are more damaged with less, others less damaged with more.
Your mileage may vary.
But people who have never been deeply, profoundly unhappy...innocents. They alarm me. I alarm them. They don't understand that the world isn't fair, that good people get destroyed for no reason, that evil is random, implacable, and ubiquitous, that random chaos can destroy even the best-laid plans, that control is an illusion, that it's all meaningless.
On bad days this makes me feel wrong. I have a lot of bad days.
I'm hurting, and there's no fix often enough. I just have to hurt.
By:
hylierandom
Age:
36-40
