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I Am Stronger Than You...my Life Is Great And You're Dead.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Me, 6 years old, freezing, huddling in old blankets, tied to a tree like a dog. The bowl of cold beans are set on the back porch for me to eat without utensils. My punishment from you was that if I was going to act like a dog, then I could sleep outside like one. I remember the beatings I got from you,The bruises and bloody lips. The humiliation I recieved, how I am worthless, stupid, ugly, and disgusting. I remember the glass you threw at me shattering on the floor and me cleaning it up efficiently. So efficiently that I cut my bare feet on the glass and didn't stop cleaning until it was done. Then I cleaned up my bloody footprints off the floor. I remember you telling me I would be dead by 30, and no one would ever love a pathetic creature like myself. I remember your taunts and snips at my self esteem.

What's ironic is that you tried to break me. I would not break. You tried to hurt me, and you succeeded, but only briefly. I am strong, smart, brave, beautiful, and successful despite the venom you pumped into my upbringing. I don't pour someone's coffee for a living. I am a Registered Nurse and I work in an ICU. You said I wasn't smart enough to do anything but have welfare babies and live off of the system. I am in love, and we have our 2 children that enjoy the life you failed to give me. I will make sure that my children love me because I love them, not because they are afraid of me.

And you're dead now. I can't even rub it in your face because you're freaking dead, rotting in the ground. That's ok because I remember the things you said, I remember the things you did. And I am stronger.
biggrrl biggrrl 26-30, F 4 Responses Jan 24, 2012

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I am glad that you harnessed anger into a good driving force for you…..

what happened to you is awful, but i am happy for you now, that you have a good family life. but hurray for someone finally saying forgiveness is overrated. i know exactly what you mean and people have been pumping that word into my ears alot lately. oh forgive and move on. ugh i hate that. forgiveness lets the person off too easily. the anger gives me motivation to be a better person than my abuser. i can get along with her now, because i have too, just to keep the peace, but i dont really like her, and i will never forgive her. the more time goes on the more i look forward to the day when shes so old, that maybe she will have a stroke and wont even be able to wipe the drool from her own mouth and i wont be there to pity her. suffice it so say, if i ever am lucky enough to have children, their biological grandmother will never be able to see them. not alone anyway, and never longer than maybe an hour. if i even talk to her once i am able to move into my own place.

I agree. I got nothing from forgiveness. F that. I'm happier being mad, if that makes sense.

I feel the same way, forgiveness has become quite the cliched cookie cutter cure-all.

Oh, I dunno, you could still throw rotten eggs at his gravestone. <br />
Or have a wreath made that says "the only good child abuser is a dead one," and go put it on his headstone.<br />
Forgiveness doesn't work for me, at least not for my dad.<br />
I tried.<br />
I'm waaaay happier hating him.