From four years of age to ten years old I have five people who sexually abuse me. My sexually abuse started when I was four years old, by my father's brother, my uncle. At first I really did not know what was happening but I knew it was not right. I guess I was an easy target. Where I was so shy and never spoke up in my life, even now. That is when I started to eat more. I did not know how to deal with what was going on and i was to afraid to tell. But he finally went to prison not for what he have done to me but for another crime. By the time I finished grammar school I had been abuse by five people. Yes I know people always think attacker have to have been all men but know one was a woman. She was the one who hurt me the most because I finally had the strength to tell someone what was going on and she started to abuse me from seven to nine. I truly believe the reason the sexually abuse stop was because I started my period. I never told another soul until I had a nervous break down at 16. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to tell my mother what was truly going on with me why I had been so depress. I really thought she would blame me for what these people had done to me, after all that is what they told me. That know one would believe me, that is was my fault, that I enjoyed what was happening to me. But she did believe me, my mother, the one that I thought would not believe me. She stood by me and believed me and trust me. We did what we could to put them behind bars. Even if no one believed what I said it was the one person i needed to believe me did. But I still struggle with the fact that I need emotional and physical intimacy from another. I lose weight for me and maybe even health issues and when men look at me in a sexually way, I feel dirty and put the weight back on and more. I don't have kids because I am afraid that I cannot protect them 24/7. So what is the reason to survive what I have been through just to be a prisoner in my present? Am I really a survivor?