A Survivor Working With Victims

I survived my childhood.(Long Pause) I didn't remember having a childhood, except at school, until I started having intrusive nightmares and flashbacks in my thirties, after my daughter was born. Under hypnosis, which I only underwent once, I remembered being anally raped as a crawler, i.e., as a child old enough to crawl but not walk. Later, I realized that the perpetrator of the abuse was my father, who abused me from earliest childhood until I married and moved away. Even later, I remembered the other people, the cameras, the lighting, the bondage and discipline, the humiliation. I began to remember bits and pieces and have nightmares. I began to learn in therapy how not to dissociate unless I really needed to. I got lots and lots of therapy and joined and eventually led support groups. Years later, I lost my crappy job, one of a series, and at the prompting of my dear 2nd husband, went back to school to get my Master's Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. I'm working as a trainee currently and am just about to graduate. The clients at this place are all teenage group home kids and many, if not all, have been abused in one way or another. Sometimes the only thing that gets through to these poor, miserable kids is a little self-disclosure (no details!) on my part. I am 58 years old and look it, so it's hard for the kids to connect with me and trust me at all, but it happens occasionally when I get a chance to do individual therapy with them. My plan, after this, is to get even more schooling to become a sex therapist and work with adults whose lives have been negatively impacted by their childhood sexual abuse experiences. After all, I know what it's like to not have a clue what normal sexuality is supposed to be like and to build it from scratch. If I can be helped, anybody can, and I want to be in on the helping, even though working with this population tends to bring on the memories and flashbacks again.
horribilis horribilis
56-60, F
2 Responses May 8, 2012

Wow! You're awesome!<br />
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Think I need to get myself back into college...

Do that! Even if it's just a pottery class or something. It's very stimulating and it gets you going. I started working as an English tutor at a community college till the funding dried up, but it got me going.

You are a true Hero, both for conquering your own past and for reaching out to youngsters to help them conquer theirs. You have my every wish for happiness and continued success.

Thank you so much. I've done a lot of healing, but there are still scars; however, I am delighted to have something to give back.