Stealing

hello my name is maureen.I am 54 years old I was molested when i was four years old by my grandfather and then raped when i was 14 years oldby two male frienda, I was married when i was seventeen because i fell pregnant with my first child, my husband at the time i thought would ever hit me or hurt me in any way, When i was seven months pregnant we had been at a lovely afternoon barbque, my husband had been drinking quite a bit on our way home i asked him nicely to stop drivng so fast, when he stopped the car he dragged me out threw me on the ground and started kicking me all over, then draged me inside kicked me some more and then locked me in the bedroom. i finally got out and ran to my sisters and her husbands and he followed me, they made me go with him and work it out, He told me that if i ever tried to leave him he would kill me, I really believed that he would. I lost my mother in December 2007 with motor nuerons disease and then my dsister died in january 2009 with breast cancer, I have been steaqling money frommy family and others i attempted to take my own life just three weeks ago, I am so depressed just cant do this any more can you please tell me why i steal things i dont want to
morny26 morny26
51-55, F
1 Response May 9, 2012

Feelings of pain, anger and helplessness. Compulsive, unnecessary stealing is "wrong" but it makes you feel like you are "getting back" at someone by doing something unjust to try to make up for all your pent up hurt. It gives you a momentary sense of power and allows you to transfer your feelings of anger and sense of powerlessness into this odd activity. It feels like getting some kind of revenge, but not in the place where you really want/need to. It's desperation and an attempt to have control over something (quite literally anything) and feel like you come out the "victor" instead of "victim" for a change. You do it because everything else in your life is too much to cope with.