What Do I Do Now?

I escaped from an abusive household at age 19, and spent seven years in treatment for PTSD and other effects of the abuse. I turned my life around. I got married to a man who was not physically abusive (win for me), and had a son. Then I had to watch them both die, several years apart. Now I'm too old to have a family but I have no one and nothing to show for my 10 years of marriage. All the years that people normally spend starting their lives, I was in therapy trying to work my way to the point where non-abused people automatically start. So, I had that one chance for a family and it didn't work, and now it's too late. For obvious reasons, I would be the worst single parent ever, so I can't adopt. I don't even remember most of my childhood, and what I do remember is not pleasant. It's just so unfair that I had to spend so much time catching up that I ended up with such a small window to create a life and a family. Now they're all gone and my life is over. There's no way I can do all that work to rebuild my life again. It isn't possible for me to have a life that I value even if I wanted to expend the effort. My life is pointless. I'm just an extra person who doesn't fit anywhere.
Kobiyashi Kobiyashi
41-45, F
May 11, 2012