So Far Away


    I feel like I came to Beeville , to get away from all the bad experiences that I've been through in my life. Three months before I came to Beeville, I felt like I was on top of the world, I felt like everything was perfect, till one day I realized that it wasn't the world that I was on top of. It was all the drugs that I was on, that made me feel that way, it turns out that, I wasn't even close to being on top of the world, it was the complete opposite. I was getting to the lowest point in my life, once I finally got to that lowest point.  I was in denial, I didn't want to believe, that I was at that point. Till one day I realized, everything that I was doing wasn't only just affecting myself, but as well as my family. My older sister knew I was doing drugs,  she knew that all I did was drugs. She hated the reputation that I had. Most of her friends probably had heard about me. It had gotten to a point where she hated to be seen with me, that's the worst feeling. And hugs, haven't had one from her probably in a couple of years. 
   I never wanted to get to that point in my life , I don't think anyone would ever want to get to that point in they're life. It's one of those things that children, teenagers, and even adults should never go through that point. Because at that point, people tend to give up on life. Giving up on life, can lead to many horrible outcomes, even death. Trust me when I say this, most people who have gotten to that point in they're life, tend to think that death is the easiest way out. That's what I believed. But deep down inside of me, I knew that death wasn't what I really wanted for myself, but then I thought to myself, I would rather brag about getting back up, and making it out of that point, by choosing the hard way. I thought of it like this, to me, life is like a mountain.  It's a lot harder to climb up the mountain than to give up, and roll down the mountain, but the thing is anyone can choose the easy way, which is rolling down a mountain, thinking it's going to be fun rolling down. But then what happens when they get to the bottom, and they realize how far they had gotten up the mountain? They would have to make a decision either to be strong and climb back up or stay with all the other people who made the same decision to have fun and roll down the mountain of life. 
     The day I realized I didn't want that kind of life, was in the same week, I was admitted in a place where they would not only just help me start a new life, but also teach me how to continue this new life I wanted for myself.   Jan 16th was the day I started the new life .
Feb 24th was the day I got out of treatment, it wasn't home where I was headed, it was Beeville, a quiet place. A place where I can choose the crowd, that I belong in. Not the same  crowd  that I fell in. 
    Spring break was the first time I had been home in 2 and a half months. I ended up visiting  the trailer park across the street, where I used to do most of the drugs that I did. I knock on the front door of one of the trailer homes, I used to hang out at. The father answers the door, and was really happy to see me, he gave me a hug, but it was one of those hugs that you can tell that something was wrong. "Where's Andy?" I asked, he moved, the father said. And what about Leno I asked.... After a couple of silent seconds, the father looks at me, and places his hand on my left shoulder, and tells me Leno had been killed in a drug deal in mission. It was the first time I had ever seen that man cry, and it wasn't really the most pleasant thing to see. Watching a father crying over his sons death, there was just so many emotions being released.
     I realized, if I never had gone to treatment, I would have been at that drug deal in mission, Leno was my partner, where ever he went, I went. And still to this day, I think what if I was at that drug deal in mission with Leno, I probably would have been killed.. So I tell myself a lot, that the decision I made to start a new life. Saved my life, if that makes sense. It also led to 4 months of being clean/sober. And most of all, the decision I made, was the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Haha this is kinda of off subject, but a couple of weeks ago, my mom had told me that, she's so proud of me, and that it feels amazing to have her son back. And she had also said, that this, is my son that was stuck and hiding inside of me for all these years. And at that moment, I had never felt so alive and proud of my self. 
     Just a couple of days ago, I realized that I'm not only just so far away from home, but that I'm also so far away from that lowest point. And as for me, I'm just never gonna even think about rolling back down the mountain this time.  If only I had never even rolled down in the first place.  
/** P.S **
     I wrote this so far away story, to inspire people. Because I used to be a drug addict, I was at that lowest point, and I would use that as an excuse, for me not to start climbing. Since I've gotten my life straight now, that's no longer an excuse for me anymore. Most Drug addicts will make that as an excuse, but I don't see it like that anymore. Because if I can be strong, and climb back up, I know anyone can.   And if you are at that lowest point in your? I'm going to tell you, please do NOT choose death, you might think that no one, will care if you die or not. But I'm here to tell you, that I promise you that there are people who care about you. I thought no one was going to care if I died or not. But I knew, I didn't want to end my life like this. Because I want to grow up, have kids, and be the best father I can be, just like my dad did for me. 
I'm Oscar Requenez, and where i am now in my life feels soo much better, then where I was :) Im lovin it x)
Oscar1995 Oscar1995
18-21, M
May 17, 2012