A Very Dear Friend

I have a very dear friend, nearing five decades of age, who believes she was molested by her father at a very young age. I have tried, on several occasions to talk with her about it, even when we lived together 28 years ago she would not open up.
She has never been married, and for 2 too brief months just last year we again renewed communication
She cares, she won't admit it.
I love her deeply, I always will.
This is for her:

He didn’t walk away
I told him to go
I told him he would never hear from me again
A hundred times before I told them to go and they did
He didn’t
I was ready for him to leave
I wanted to hurt him
He was my father
I wanted him near
I wanted him to go away
I hated him
I loved him
He is staying
I still hate him
Maybe he is not my father
He loves me
He hurts me
Just like my father
I hate him
I love him
Just like my father
I can never hate him
I can never love him
He is not my father
brokerichard brokerichard
56-60, M
4 Responses May 18, 2012

Sometimes the pain is to hard to bare and better left in the dark..When she is ready she will let you know..

After nearly two years, I am beginning to understand that...very good advice, thanks.

broker <br />
I have a friend that has this very thing going in her life. she had times where she had flash backs, she had to get help with it. she found all of her choices in life spun off the hurt and allowed others to hurt her. she went on to marry had wonderful twins. but when she began to look at her life she had chosen because of circumstance. she loved her husband beyond belief but he was not supporting or understanding he has caused more harm than good. she now has been in therapy for several years, she is getting stronger but what she found as she gets stronger the marriage is crumbling. As long as he had control and could manipulate her he was happy now that she is taking back her power he is abusive even physical. <br />
I am not meaning to toot my own horn here but I have supported her thru a lot of this. my best advise is let her feel, let her talk, always state truth with out being abusive, coming from where I have is the only reason she allowed me a walk with her no other could have done it. For she felt and knew from which I came, I found being totally honest with her no matter how it hurt was the best way to deal with her. My coming from a woman’s stand point offered no threat of course. But if you care as much as I see here don’t cross lines into intimacy with her and the past. spend time with her, always have a phone open to her and encourage her to get therapy. your goal is much different than mine but in respect to the love of a person to support not so different. But know she will have to want it and if she has no stressor in her life it may never be a prospect she would ever want to visit. It may be she set her life in such a structure that purposely closed off any deviation to hurt her. Just wondering did she ever get to face the person and say I know you did this. my friend did and her abuser father denied it which spun her into facing it even more. This person having kids of her own held them extremely close and did not let any one near them. Which I see as hurting their moving forward. There is times when she approaches a issue with me I kind us a two by four. She is approaching pushing her sons to who she thinks they should marry. They are not even interested but she is already trying to influence whom and type. Your support is all you can offer she has to be willing to take that step some don’t want to be hurt so understand that when offering your friendship or more.<br />
Good luck I hope she can get past it everyone deserves real love.

thanks, Kountrymist, I can understand her deep pain, given the type of sensitive and yet strong individual she is, I just wish I could let her know that I care and that she COULD call me at any time...thank you fr sharing!

Thank You, I can witness the result of the devastation that it caused. I do understand the hurt, I understand the deep hurt that won't go away. Try as I have,however, I can not make it any better, but just as does she, I can't let it go, I cannot just let it lie, I will never forget that very special person who harbors her own personal pain, and who will never again allow anyone close.

Yeah. You nailed it.<br />
:( I'm sorry she cant get past it enough to connect with you...not that it ever really goes away.