BrokenSo here i am again, excusing myself for not being normal, for hating what i am becoming. i just feel so frightened all the time, i feel on edge, must of the time im just shaking. I sleep most of the day so i dont have to remember, so i can rest, but at night it is when it all comes back.
When im awake i cant stop thinking about it, everything i do finishes with one thought - im ****** because i was abused . This is an obsessive thought that comes and goes as it pleases, sometimes it brings memories or feelings back but most of the time it just makes me anxious and frightened. Panic attacks are more controllable but they come closer together, my skin has these weird brown spots and i can't eat or sometimes i just eat too much. I just feel paralyzed by the pain.
Every time i look into his eyes i see regret, or at least that is what i think i see. Still, regret doesn't give me anything, it doesn't make me feel better it just makes me think that he is such a hypocrite and that i hate him.
I feel damaged, broken.